#bad boy reginald

[cfffrk]

What if Jeeves had worked as a page boy at a private boys' school in his youth?

[paganminiskirt]

Spelunking in the A-Train tag on ao3 and having to scroll through three pages of Homelander/Reader fics first as if Reggie isn’t twice the man that lip quivering milk guzzling fat shaming nazi fucking asshole bleaching r/mommydom lurking Strawberry Monster Energy head ass bitch will ever FUCKING be

[inkspiredwriting]

Playground Pandemonium

Five Hargreeves x reader

A/N: I imagine that five would be a great dad. But I also think that he is insecure and is sometimes afraid of becoming just like Reginald. What do you think?

Warnings: None

It was a rare sunny Saturday afternoon, and Five Hargreeves had finally found a day to spend entirely with his wife Y/n and their four-year-old daughter Maddie. They decided to make the most of it by visiting the local playground. Y/n, ever the planner, packed a picnic basket full of Maddie’s favorite snacks, while Five’s contribution was ensuring they arrived early enough to grab the best spot.

As they walked hand in hand through the park, Five scanned the area. “I haven’t been to a playground since, well, ever,” he admitted.

Y/n laughed, squeezing his hand. “You missed out on a quintessential part of childhood, Five. But don’t worry, Maddie will show you the ropes.”

Maddie, bouncing ahead of them with an infectious energy, turned around and called, “Come on, Daddy! You’re gonna love the swings!”

Maddie made a beeline for the swings, and Five found himself being roped into pushing her. “Higher, Daddy! Higher!” she shrieked with delight.

Five, slightly uncertain but determined not to disappoint, gave her a solid push. Maddie soared into the air, laughing gleefully.

“Careful, Five,” Y/n warned, settling on a nearby bench with a watchful eye. “We don’t want her launching into space.”

Five smirked, “I’ve seen worse launches.” He gave Maddie another push, but this time, his mind wandered to a particularly explosive time-travel incident.

Distracted, he pushed a bit too hard. Maddie shrieked—not in delight, but in mild terror—as she swung higher than intended. “Whoa! Okay, not that high!”

Y/n stifled a laugh as Five, looking mortified, rushed to catch the swing on its way back. “Sorry, kiddo,” he said, steadying her. “Daddy’s still learning the basics.”

Maddie giggled, her fear quickly forgotten. “It’s okay, Daddy. Just don’t push me into the future!”

After the swing incident, Maddie led them to the sandbox, where she promptly began constructing an elaborate sandcastle. Five and Y/n joined in, Five more reluctantly.

“Why does this remind me of building fortifications during the apocalypse?” Five muttered as he helped shape a sand wall.

Y/n chuckled. “Probably because you’re overthinking it. Just have fun!”

Maddie, her tongue poking out in concentration, sculpted a turret. “Look, Daddy! A tower!”

Five nodded, actually impressed. “Nice work, Maddie. It’s almost as secure as some of the bunkers I’ve seen.”

Y/n rolled her eyes playfully. “Maybe we can skip the part where it gets blown up by time-traveling assassins.”

As they worked, a group of kids approached, drawn by the impressive sandcastle. One boy, clearly the sandbox bully, sneered at their work. “That’s a silly castle,” he said, kicking sand at the base.

Five bristled, ready to give the kid a stern talking-to, but Y/n put a calming hand on his shoulder. “It’s okay, Five. Let Maddie handle it.”

Maddie stood up, glaring at the boy. “My Daddy can travel through time and fight bad guys. What can your daddy do?”

The boy, taken aback, mumbled something about his dad being a lawyer and scampered off. Five chuckled, giving Maddie a high five. “That’s my girl.”

Y/n called them over to the picnic blanket for snacks. As they sat down, Maddie’s excitement was palpable. “Can I have a juice box, Mommy?”

Y/n handed Maddie a juice box and gave Five a sandwich. “Try not to eat it too quickly,” she teased. “We don’t have a lot of supplies here.”

Five took a bite, nodding appreciatively. “Better than cockroaches.”

Just as they were settling in, a squirrel darted towards the picnic blanket, clearly eyeing their food. Maddie squealed, and Five immediately went into protective mode.

“Back off, rodent!” Five growled, standing up to chase the squirrel away.

The squirrel, unperturbed, grabbed a stray cookie and scampered up a tree. Five glared after it, shaking his fist. “This isn’t over!”

Y/n laughed, pulling him back down to the blanket. “I think we’ll survive without one cookie.”

Maddie, giggling, took a sip of her juice box. “Daddy, you’re so funny when you’re mad.”

Five sat down with a huff, brushing off the dirt. “I’m glad someone thinks so.”

The playground centerpiece was a tall slide, and Maddie insisted that her parents try it with her. Five eyed the slide warily. “Are you sure about this? I mean, what if—”

“No ‘what ifs,’ Five,” Y/n interrupted, grabbing his hand. “It’ll be fun!”

They climbed the ladder, Maddie leading the way. At the top, Five hesitated. “This is higher than it looks.”

Y/n, already halfway down the slide with Maddie, called back, “Don’t chicken out now!”

With a resigned sigh, Five sat at the top of the slide. “Here goes nothing.” He pushed off, the slide’s angle steeper than expected. As he hurtled down, his typically composed expression twisted into one of surprise.

He shot off the end of the slide, landing in an undignified heap on the ground. Maddie burst into laughter, running over to help him up. “That was awesome, Daddy!”

Y/n, laughing so hard she had tears in her eyes, helped him stand. “See? Fun!”

Five dusted himself off, trying to maintain some dignity. “Maybe for you.”

As the sun began to set, the Hargreeves family packed up their picnic and headed home. Maddie, tired from her day of adventure, held each of her parents’ hands, swinging between them.

“That was the best day ever!” she declared, beaming up at them.

Five, despite his usual stoicism, smiled down at her. “I’m glad you had fun, Maddie.”

Y/n leaned her head on Five’s shoulder as they walked. “You know, for someone who’s never been to a playground, you did pretty well.”

Five chuckled. “Well, I had a good teacher.”

As they reached their car, Maddie climbed into her seat, already half-asleep. Five and Y/n shared a look, both of them tired but happy.

“Same time next week?” Five asked, a twinkle in his eye.

Y/n laughed, kissing his cheek. “Absolutely. As long as you promise not to get into a fight with any more squirrels.”

Five grinned. “No promises.”

As the Hargreeves family drove home, the playground behind them, they couldn't help but smile. It was the perfect blend of laughter, love, and just a bit of Hargreeves-style mayhem.

[puckishpuppeteer]

How bad was everything, that Reginald ended up being one of the best characters this season? Really?!

They massacred my boys!

Not to mention that they made Klaus completely irrelevant this season. He deserves better than that!

(Not saying they didn't ruin the rest of them, but Klaus is my fave. And really what the fuck was going on with Lila and Five?!)

[depressedcoffeeobsess]

𝐁𝐞𝐠𝐠𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐨𝐧 𝐦𝐲 𝐊𝐧𝐞𝐞𝐬

Young!Five Hargreeves x Young!fem!reader

Warnings: severe begging , a kiss on the cheek , one bad word....

Summary: five has to dance with Vanya , eight has to dance with diego. Poor eight's on her knees begging five to dance with her.

(I wouldn't call this a oneshot its more like drabble)

"Please Five pleeeease!" She begged looking up at the boy.

Sir Reginald Hargreeves wanted his kids all to know how to dance. Slow dancing to be specific. He assigned partners to dance with. Poor eight is stuck with diego. Diego doesnt know how to dance at all. He is worse then an octopus reports allison on one of their tea parties. Vanya is quite lucky though. She got five. They all kniw five is a pro at dancing. But he wont admit it.

So here she is , on her knees , with her hands clasped together begging the boy to dance with her. Five is sitting down on the bed looking down at the girl with no expression. Eight is also looking at five in a pleading way , which seems to have not apleased the boy. I mean how would it work on him? Puppy eyes barely even touch his soul. Souless shit.

"Please"

"No"

"Please"

"No"

"Please"

"No"

"Please"

"No"

"Please, pretty please with a big cheeky strawberry on top five?" She pleaded extra sweetly. This kinda touched fives heart. It was no doubt five wasnted to dance with the begging girl. After all who wouldn't? Thise beautiful locks of hair that flew around looking for mercy. And those big bright orbs in her eyes. How would he not?

With a thousand more pleads five finnally let in. "Oh goddammit eight! Fine I'll dance with you , j-just stop begging!" He raised his voice a bit.

Eight's eyes gleamed with joy. She jumped up and hugged five so hard he almost fell down. Oh boy , could she give hugs. Five was very flushed but didn't want to show it.

Eight pulled away and leaned back into him. Suddenly five felt a small tingle on his cheek. She had kissed him on the cheek. He was bright red now.

Eight happily skipped out the room to tell Vanya that she was dancing with Diego.

A/N : I'm not in my tua phase (yet) . It is just a filler. Sorry.

•dividers by @issysh3ll

[ambcass]

INVINCIBLE X MALE READER BRO IT COULD BE ANYTBING HERO X VILLAIN OLS IM CRHIGN MY EYES OUT

hello everypony. this is my brother. he decided to SPAM my inbox for a fanfic for his twink. as the amazing sister I am I will write smth for him (after 1.5 weeks of this sitting in my inbox) I'll make a pt.2 if u want

"No, it can't be. You can't be *villain name*." is the same thing every guy you've dated said after you told them about your secret. The truth is, the world classified you as a villain. Everyone watching the news considered you a cold, no-good killing machine.

Being a villain with telepathy, telekinesis, fire abilities, and mind-altering powers is never a good mix for anyone! Would you kill your ex's after finding out you're a villain? No, you cared too much for them. Altering their mind until you erase yourself from their minds and everyone they knew.

This time is different. You met a dorky-looking boy with slicked-back dark hair and blue eyes on your first day at Reginald Vel Johnson High School. You two had chemistry together, and the second you stepped foot in that class, he couldn't keep his eyes off you. You were so handsome in his eyes. He told William all about you every since! Crazy how much someone can be so obsessed with someone even without mind-altering.

Did you notice at first? No. Bad as feelings as you were, you could not give a fuck about Mark. He didn't interest you in any way until one day.

You were not in a good mood that day at all. Last night you were running off rooftops, trying to escape the hero in yellow and blue. You got away by creating a firewall and going into his mind, making him forget why he was there in the first place. This stunned him and you receive plenty of time to escape. The next, you got to Chem and sat behind Mark and William's lab table. You close your eyes and rest your head on the table while using your arms as support.

"*Name*? Him? The boy behind us?" William's words caught your attention. You looked up and glared at the two. Intrigued, you pretended to sleep. Keeping out for what they were about to say. Mark forcefully turned William's head,

"Noooo. Why would it be! You're so funny! hahaha," Mark grinned awkwardly. He grabbed William's face and spoke quietly but loud enough for you to hear. "Of course it's *name* you moron! Don't say it out loud-" You cut him off.

"Will you two stop talking about me?" you asked. Mark's face turned tomato red as he sank to his chair in embarrassment. Both William and Mark would look back at you but Mark would just stare at you, smiling. "Okay. Creepy...but he's kinda cute." You smiled softly.

Time past by and you couldn't stop wondering why they were talking about you! It's not like you actually knew them. Your eyes lit up as a idea was formed. If he wouldn't tell you, then why not find out for yourself. A smirk appeared on your face. "He wouldn't mind if I just- " Focusing on Mark's mind, you wonder why he's been staring at you ever since your first day, why he's talking about you like he's got some type of crush on you.

"I really like *name* but don't know how to tell him. He seems cool and I want to be closer to him but I'm scared he will shut me out... I have to tell him how I feel eventually. Right?" You're shocked. Lost for words even. Were you flattered? Maybe. It's been a while since you've been in a romantic relationship. This might be it.

A few minutes before class was about to end, an idea came to your mind. Why not give Mark some help confessing to you? Was it wrong? Yes. Did you care? No. You focused on his mind again. First, you thought of Mark confessing to you. Then, you sent it off to his brain. Lastly, you watch everything come into play. The bell rang and you packed up your stuff. Mark was lost in a trance while William was trying to figure out what was going on.

"Earth to Mark! Hellooo? Is anyone home?" You walked past the two without saying a word but stopped at the door frame. Mark snapped out of it and sprung up from his seat with a joyous smile. William raised his brows to an overly happy Mark. "Hey, are you okay-" William was cut off,

"I think I'm gonna do it, Will. I think I'll tell him how I feel."

[morguecuts]

Running From Vain

five hargreeves x fem!reader synopsis: you confuse anger for love. word count: 1.8k tags: angst, heavy fluff, kissing, touching, etc. technically adopted siblings? lots of character lore lol note: story was written with s4 visuals in mind. this is my first time writing tua fanfic so i hope u enjoy. i apologize in advance for being an extremely detailed writer :)

♱⛧ ⋆ ˚｡ ⋆୨ ୧⋆ ˚｡ ⋆⛧♱

the 8th hargreeves child was the one that reginald kept hidden and locked away for decades. her blood regeneration was able to flow through not only herself but others as well, being able to save them from death and retrieve their leaking souls when needed. she lacked the ability to control them from a young age, and her powers were deemed too impactful to society fairly quickly. when a mission goes rather poorly, she is revealed to the world by mistake. since then she’s been known as the outcast to everyone, including her own siblings. the world is coming to an end once again, issues are constantly arising with all connections pointing to the umbrella academy. the family already lost beloved parts of itself in the past, and they bare to lose any more. tension has been brewing for years and one wrong comment leads to a certain couple releasing deep emotions, both good and bad.

♱⛧ ⋆ ˚｡ ⋆୨ ୧⋆ ˚｡ ⋆⛧♱

his hands travel from the sides of his face upwards towards the messy black hair that lays upon his head. their strands are falling to perfectly frame the chiseled boy below them. an unpleasant expression is sprawled across five’s face, his tired eyes clenched closed as his eyebrows pinch together. 

“no, you don't understand! we can’t keep wasting time, everything will be gone tomorrow.” he opens his mouth for the time in what feels like hours. his chest begins to rise and fall quickly. his feet start to carry him back and forth, passing you every few moments while his eyes are locked onto you. the hallway where you both reside is tense, heavy, and secluded from the rest of the house. for being in such a mammoth size mansion, with 7 other siblings, a robot mother, and an intelligent monkey, the world seems to be silent. the only noise that can be heard is the faint sound of five breathing, releasing a few deep sighs as he does. 

“i understand perfectly well, but your plan is useless. you are so insufferable to work with, i mean come on five, be realistic for once! if we listen to viktor then we might actually be able to stop the apocalypse.” you make an attempt at replying, but it seems like he’s starting to ignore you. 

the air is intoxicating, you hate him, you hate what he did to the umbrella name, and especially to you. it’s time for someone to stand up and confront his decision making. everything he does is egotistical and arrogant. his words are sharp and impactful in the most negative ways imaginable. the sound of his shuffling feet stop, his dark beaded eyes trace every aspect of your face before opening his mouth in response to you. 

“you know you’re a real piece of work right? calling me insufferable is completely distasteful when all you do is follow diego around like a lost puppy. it’s fucking embarrassing for everyone in this family, and you know it.” he stops to let out a small chuckle before pointing his finger towards your chest. “don't even make me mention the grave mistake you made on our last mission either” his expression is ridden in evil, a small upturned smile resting on his face and he stares into you.

“that was not my fault,” you spit back, angrily stepping towards him. “i am the ONLY person who TRIED to help ben and everyone who was in that chamber could tell you that themselves.” red flashes of anger spread across your skin as you continue to step closer to five. “he died from something completely unrelated to my powers, but I FUCKING TRIED! I DID, NOT ALLISON, NOT DIEGO, ME.” by this time you are meters away from being chest to chest with the boy. 

“you’re a waste of space. you disappoint everyone in this house.” he glares down, his taller figure towers over you menacingly.

"that's really rich coming from you." you take a step back and laugh to yourself. "do you know that nobody in this family likes you anymore? hmm? after all the shit you've constantly put us through, five?”

"i dedicated my entire life to saving your asses, i spent 40 goddamn years in an apocalypse just to come back and save all of you countless times! what do i get in return? impertinence." his demeanor is getting worsened by each remark, hot red anger is spread across his face as he snaps back at you. 

"none of us asked you to! you are always taking charge and forcing us to follow your plans, what if we didn't want to do this anymore? you're such a narcissist everything is always about you!" a near table rattled slightly from the yelling, the flowerpot on top shook before calming back down after a moment. 

"fuck you. fuck all of you. i'm TIRED of trying to save this family. if you all want to die in another apocalypse, then be my guest." he scoffs looking at you one more time and turns to walk away. "god you're so pathetic, always teleporting away when things don't go your way. you’re so childish." you hiss

"what did you say to me?" five spins back around, his feet carrying him back towards you. "you heard me." you raise your head and straighten up, holding his tough gaze. by this time the two of you are practically chest to chest again, his eyes beaming down into you. if he wasn’t human, you'd imagine smoke being blown from his ears and nostrils out of anger.

"say it again." 

"you're. fucking. pathetic." 

in a heartbeat his lips are smashing into you hungrily. one of his hands is gripping your face while the other snakes around your waist. all of the pent up anger between the both of you comes crashing down, blending into lust. he feels warm, his soul is bleeding into yours as his tongue explores your mouth. his hands are running all over your body, stopping to hold onto your mid section, then your behind, and finally dragging their way up to your neck. five pulls back, panting slightly, his eyes searching yours worried and confused.

“do you want this?”  

“more than anything.” you drive your hands into his hair, yanking his lips back into yours. his small smile is felt pressing into your mouth, fingers lingering around the belt loops on the front of your jeans. he’s pulling your body into his as he deepens the kiss, groaning into you when you rub against him slightly. 

he pulls away and leaves trails of hot wet kisses on the front of your throat. you grumble and moan at this touch, causing five to laugh into your skin. he leaves small love bites all over your neck and collarbones while you run your hands through his hair. his eyes glance up at you, a different light beams through them now then moments before. his anger has faded into something similar to love. his little pecks come to a slow rhythm before he returns to your lips. dragging you into him, the two of you slowly begin backing up towards one of the hallway walls. 

he presses his long fingers into the sides of your waist, shoving you into the stone behind you. five’s grip is firm and tight, stopping you from being able to wiggle loose. the way his mouth moves is like a work of art. there’s no doubt that someone had taught him how to kiss like this, but my god, you are thankful for them. you touch him memorizing every piece of his body from his chest, his jawline, to the back of his neck, and up through his hair. the way he leans into your touches with such desperation is absolutely god like.

his slight groans and noises grow in volume when you reach your fingers towards his waist. a sly hand lifting the edge of his shirt and running along the front of his bare body. his small smile returns, pulling back from your lips. 

“your hands are cold.” he leans forward, placing a kiss on your forehead. the invisible bubble draped over the two of you seems to pop. he’s moving hands into the back pocket of your jeans, keeping you pressed into him. you smile at the small actions, glaring up to analyze his face.

“come with me” five reaches for your hand interlocking his fingers between yours. his feet are ready to speed away as he gently pulls you toward whenever he’s leading. 

“five we can’t…” you look at him guilty. 

“no, no… not that.” his head shakes in disbelief as he smiles at you. “please just trust me and come” his hand tugs at yours pleadingly. 

there’s another moment of hesitation before you give him a small nod and move your feet to follow his. the grip he has on your hand tightens as he pulls you forward, a blue smokey powder flashes in front of you before realizing what he was doing. 

there’s a millisecond of discomfort and stinging before you feel the ground beneath your feet again. it hadn’t crossed your mind before how it felt for five to use his powers, but my god it was strange. 

the room is similar to a greenhouse with its large glass windows and open ceiling. it’s covered in vines and greenery with a small white pitched tent in the center. there are boxes and a large wooden table to the side, scattered papers sprawled over its surface. there’s a couple whiteboards on the back wall with calculations and symbols scribbled all over. the messy handwriting looks like five’s, and a photo of his stupid mannequin ex-girlfriend, delores, is hung from one of them confirming this was his doing. 

“where are we?” you glance at him before returning to observe the room.

“the highest level of the house, it’s locked behind one of dads bookshelves but i found it a couple years ago. i used to sneak in here when i needed a quiet place. it’s hard to be bothered when nobody else can get inside except for me” he smiles down at you, tracing small circles with his thumb onto your hand, still intertwined.

you analyze the writings and questions scattered along the room, puzzled about the true purpose of being taken up here. he looks at you confidently while holding a small pale wooden box with the umbrella logo printed on top. 

“i didn't think you were ready before, but i think you are now. i know how we will all survive the apocalypse.” 

 ♱⛧ ⋆ ˚｡ ⋆୨ ୧⋆ ˚｡ ⋆⛧♱

thank you so much for reading!

i hope you’ve enjoyed it, please feel free to make any comments or story requests down below. any support is always appreciated <3

[agentlizardofowca]

perryshmirtz “maybe we should kiss just to break the tension.” from the quotes prompt

After three successful dates (and one bad one, it was not their fault) Perry invited Heinz to meet his immediate family. It had gone surprisingly well, and over the months that followed Doof somehow built a stronger friendship with the Flynn-Fletchers than he had ever managed with Charlene's parents and sister. They had never liked him much, but Perry's family didn't bat an eye at his strange behavior. Strangely enough, Heinz almost felt like he fit in.

It took almost two years of officially dating before Perry informed him that it was time for Heinz to meet the extended family. Perry's expression was not enthused, but Heinz was used to his boyfriend's stoic expressions so he did not think much of it.

The day of the Fletcher Family reunion arrived and Heinz was introduced to Winifred and Reginald Fletcher who were both hilarious, interested, friendly, and potentially insane. Never before had Heinz met a woman who was as unimpressed with Perry as his foster mother. She ordered Heinz to grab them "a cuppa" before she told him an array of embarrassing stories from Perry's youth. In her purse she had a stack of photos, some of a teenaged and awkward Lawrence, and then a few of a grumpy-faced peach-fuzz-lipped Perry who wore his school uniform with absolute disdain. His hair was too long, in one ear sat an earring, and in some pictures, he sported an impressive black eye.

"Perigrin wasn't very impressed with the school bullies," She said with poorly hidden pride. "He showed them what for!"

Perry was in the middle of begging his mother not to tell any more stories when a new group of people arrived. A young lady and a herd of boys all stormed in, followed by a man who had to be Lawrence's biological brother.

"Aiden, how nice of you to come!" Lawrence announced and went to hug his brother.

Distantly, Heinz registered that his hand was being crushed.

He looked down and found that Perry was looking particularly grave.

"Perry?" Heinz asked, and Perry blinked as if coming to his senses. He released Heinz's hand from the death grip, dusted his knees, and got up from his begging position.

Heinz then watched as Perry stiffly and awkwardly went to greet Aiden. They shook hands so politely that Doof couldn't help but feel a bit worried.

"It's been so long, Perry," Aiden announced loudly. "I see you haven't grown an inch!"

Perry bared his teeth in a most unnatural smile and continued shaking his hand.

After Aiden was done laughing at his own joke, he wiped a fake tear from his eye before continuing what Heinz could only describe as a comedy routine.

"I'll give you twenty dollars to say something right now," Aiden pulled out his wallet, and when Perry just grimaced at him uncomfortably he put it away and laughed some more.

Perhaps it was more like a roast.

"How's the wife and kids? Oh no wait! You're single and lonely!" Aiden laughed again, completely unaware that he was the only one.

Perry had crossed his arms two "jokes" ago, and beside Heinz, Winifred crossed her arms impatiently. Apparently, this routine happened every time? Heinz couldn't help but wonder why Perry hadn't smacked that guy yet, if Heinz made a joke that bad he'd be bruised for a week.

"Actually Aiden, Perry brought his partner along!" Lawrence announced, and he held his arms out as if he too was scared of what Perry was capable of.

Aiden paused his laughter. "Wait really?" He asked and he looked around the room in surprise. His eyes landed on Heinz and after a moment where Heinz and Aiden stared at each other awkwardly, the brother said "Oh," In an almost disappointed tone.

"Come meet Heinz," Lawrence tried to guide Aiden towards him. Heinz rose to his feet hesitantly, and his eyes checked with Perry who had apparently decided to stay there and let this happen.

"Aha," Aiden agreed. "Heinz. Foreign name?"

"Drusselstein." He agreed.

Aiden's face contorted for a moment. "Like Matteo Spieler, Drusselstein?!" He asked loudly. And his face got quite red, quite quickly

Heinz had to think for a moment. He wasn't much of a sports guy, but even he knew that Matteo Spieler was Drusselstein's most famous soccer player. He was currently playing in the European league and was personally responsible for the winning goal against England. Ah. Heinz might understand the sudden burst of anger.

Aiden turned to Perry. "You're DATING THE ENEMY?!" He shouted and he grabbed an apple from the counter and threw it on the floor. Where it burst into many pieces.

"Now, now Aiden!" Lawrence interjected and he tried to calm him down. Linda sighed loudly and left the room, if anyone expected her to clean up that mess they were wrong.

"Drusselstein?! Really!"

Whilst Lawrence kept Aiden occupied, Perry returned to Heinz's side and circled his heart with one finger 「Sorry.」

Heinz watched the hissifit with amazement. "Not your fault. I think?"

"Honestly, I expected his homophobia to be the issue, not your nationality," Winifred remarked as she sipped her tea casually.

Heinz blinked and turned to his boyfriend. "Do you think that if we kissed to break the tension that would snap him out of it?"

Perry snorted in amusement and pulled Heinz along as he stepped up to Aiden. He cleared his throat dramatically, twirled Heinz around, dipped him low, and mashed their mouths together in an unelegant but enthusiastic kiss.

Winifred cheered happily.

Aiden paused his argument with Lawrence to look at the performance.

When Perry eventually released the Drusselsteinian enemy from his kiss, he smiled at Aiden and winked.

It worked, in that Aiden shut up about football for a while, but Heinz very quickly learned that the other members of the Fletcher family were a lot more fun to talk to. After all, Winifred still had pictured from Perry's youth he had to see.

[miniskirtmods]

𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐔𝐌𝐁𝐑𝐄𝐋𝐋𝐀 𝐀𝐂𝐀𝐃𝐄𝐌𝐘

(teaser)

parings ˚ The Umbrella Academy x sibling!reader

warning(s) ˚ teenage pregnancy, giving birth, purchase of child, Sir Reginald Hargreeves

synopsis ˚ A teenage girl gives birth to one of the vary beings that will cause the inevitable end of the world as we know it and an eccentric billionaire is ready to collect the child in a heartbeat. With a generous donation of course.

word count ˚ 414

authors note ˚ yall I just saw the season four teaser and to say I'm excited is understatement. I thank that teaser for sparking my love of writing again. I you guys enjoy this and I may just get this to season three ;)

ADDIS ABABA, ETHIOPIA. OCTOBER 1, 1989

The skies were painted a picture perfect blue over the small African village. Sifan, a teenage girl, skirts past the many women cleaning their hands in the steel sinks as she tries to get her earrings back from a pesky little boy. 

Running wasn’t her favorite thing to do, especially because she almost twisted her ankle on the multiple rocks that found their way in her path. She was also in flats so that didn’t help the ache in her feet either. She did her best to ignore it as she came neck to neck with the boy, ready to grab his collar when suddenly  .  .  .  she stopped. Alarmed and clutching her stomach, Sifan grits her teeth, stumbling onto the ground with a sour look on her face.

A woman in front of her first bad mouthed the young girl, saying that she stepped on her dress and she should apologize, but her one-sided bickering ended as soon as she saw the girl’s state. Was it her imagination, or was her previously-flat stomach expanding by the second? The entire village had fallen an ear to the sticky screams of Sifan as she clutched her abdomen. A group of villagers helped the girl off her feet, ushering her to a nearby cot. Throughout the village, nervous townspeople huddle in groups, whispering, sharing gossip. 

The teenage girl yowls in pain, grasping onto the hands near her, drawing blood as her nails dug deep into their skin. Her belly is wilding distended. The doctor emerged from between her legs, holding a perfectly healthy newborn baby girl. Sifan let out a large sigh as she heard the baby’s loud cries towards her; inevitably joining her in her screeching sobs.

ON THE TWELFTH HOUR OF THE FIRST DAY OF OCTOBER 1989,  43 WOMEN AROUND THE WORLD GAVE BIRTH.

THIS WAS UNUSUAL ONLY IN THE FACT THAT NONE OF THESE WOMEN HAD BEEN PREGNANT WHEN THE DAY FIRST BEGAN.

SIR REGINALD HARGREEVES, ECCENTRIC BILLIONAIRE AND ADVENTURER, RESOLVED TO LOCATE AND ADOPT AS MANY OF THE CHILDREN AS POSSIBLE.

“Astonishing!” Hargreeves enters the birthing room, adjusting the si;ver monocle on his left eye. The family stares, too confused to protest, as he approaches the teenage mother. He examines the newborn in her arms, slipping off his silk, white gloves in order to poke it with one slender finger. Satisfied, he looks to the mother.

“How much do you want for it?”

HE GOT EIGHT OF THEM

[hana-no-seiiki]

Hi! I love your work and was wondering what you thought of platonic/romanitc yandere batfamily with a reader who's like five hargreeves???

My first request! Although I have not watched Umbrella Academy I’ll try my best to fulfill your wishes Anon (via research and several clips of this man-child). Advanced apologies for any inconsistencies.

Honestly seeing all these clips makes me want to watch the show itself so I’ll be doing that after posting this fic.

TW/CW: Yandere themes of violence, creepiness, overprotectiveness, manipulation. Uh mention of Tim and Damian creaming in their suits-

current status: unedited

PLATONIC TIMELINE

In this version of events there is no Reginald Hargreeves and siblings (thus no Umbrella Academy as a whole) instead you were plucked from your biological mother by Bruce himself and adopted as a Wayne.

You were the youngest sibling, often called “Five” as a nickname.

Having dangerous abilities such as well- the power to manipulate space and time. Bruce was incredibly strict with his training and rules, but he knew not to push you too far. He has learnt from his experiences with your brothers.

Because of that you grew up pretty egotistical, sassy and cynical — not to mention pretty spoiled.

You’d often dangle your powers over Damian, who had become your rival throughout the years.

He, in turn, would slap you back with the fact that you’re adopted.

And boy did it take a lot of convincing from your father to not go back in time and smother the damn demon-spawn with a pillow when he was still a baby.

Otherwise your relationship with them is very much a typical sibling’s one. With the exception of their overprotectiveness that is real bad (You were surprised to see Damian in the mix as well. Was your brother a masochist of some sort?) and due to your powers and everyone’s overall occupations, a lot more violent.

They will try to sabotage any and all relationships you have whether it’s romantic or platonic.

But, jokes on them, you can just go back in time and stop anything bad from happening.

Really, you can’t help but laugh at their shenanigans.

Like whenever you see Dick disguised as a waiter trying to drug your date but it somehow ends up with him on the floor frothing at the mouth.

Or during this one time Jason tried shooting a friend of yours but found himself with a bullet up his ass instead. That is if you were feeling a little more sadistic than usual, you mostly switch his guns out for staplers.

You made sure to help him patch up though. As much as they were cockblockers, they were still family.

In conclusion, as much as the Batfam are capable superheroes/vigilantes I’m pretty sure they can’t really beat a trained space-time manipulator.

Bruce created a monster and he ain’t stopping it himself anytime soon.

“[Y/N] Wayne. You have to stop throwing your older brother around.” Bruce scolds you for the nth time this week. Though you knew better than any one else within the mansion you were in that is far as he’ll go with his actions.

“If this is about Tim— he was looking through my search history again, and my gallery, and not to mention every damn file I have on my computer—“

“Look, I was just checking up on you—“ Tim’s voice comes from the intercomms. Only to be cut off by a gasp.

From your brief blink in-and-out of existence, Bruce just knows it’s you slamming the poor boy’s face on a keyboard or something.

“[Y/N]!”

“I wonder if it’s too late to get unadopted.”

ROMANTIC TIMELINE

“Where’d you go?”

“The future. It’s shit by the way.”

You, much like the original Five Hargreeves, are a 50 something year-old person stuck in a young adult’s body as a result of fucking up the space time continuum too much.

You have the same origins as well, being born from a butcher who had shown no signs of pregnancy and being adopted by Reginald Hargreeves.

Let’s say you and your siblings were well known but after you disappeared, they all mysteriously died if not vanish like you as well.

You had close ties with the Teen Titans and were planning to join them after you’d master your powers of time manipulation. However that unfortunately didn’t happen.

In any case, you meet up with one of the only heroes you knew years ago and that happened to be Batman and his sidekick, Robin.

Except… it seemed that Batman was way older and Robin had already been replaced three times. The Robin you were friends now calls him Nightwing.

You bring news of the apocalypse and ask them to aid you in searching for your siblings.

Unbeknownst to you, Dick had been searching for you all over since your disappearance. It had partly been the reason why he chose to become his own independent hero so he already had a lead on where to look.

You meet the rest of the Batfam, who grow to enjoy your sassy, witty personality.

To Bruce, you were like a reminder of things before the trauma he’s had to face with his sons. In addition to that, you were roughly the same age mentally so having another “grown up” with him, albeit one that’s more chaotic, was definitely helpful.

To Jason, you were exciting. He’s seen people with powers before but none that seemed so elegant yet ruthless. You were mesmerizing in battle but your softer sides where you’d remind him of the life he has ahead of him and to take care, was even more captivating.

To Damian and Tim, you took a more obvious parental approach. Which was odd coming from someone close to their age in appearance. Unlike Jason who enjoys more of your soft side they enjoy the side of you that’s uncaring of those in your way.

And when they see you covered in blood after a heated fight? Absolutely gorgeous.

(They may or may not be creaming in their suits)

Now in the case of dear old Dickey, who has been helping you out investigating your disappearance. You two grew a lot closer. Even more so than before.

To him you were gone for almost 2 decades and to you it was twice that time. Still time didn’t stop you two from reconnecting quickly.

He takes the first step in asking you out. His brothers and father aren’t exactly discreet when it comes to their feelings so he (very reluctantly) lets them have a piece of you by moving back to Gotham for good.

In this timeline, Dolores (the mannequin) exists cause yes. So they don’t really have any real competition to fight with.

They are some times where Damian, Jason, and Dick want to destroy the thing for being so precious to you though.

In any case, like I said in the Platonic timeline. Not many things can go against Time/Space manipulation so if they want to take away your abilities or overpower it’s going to be a hard task to go through.

They much rather manipulate and/or coax you to not use it against their desires.

In time, you’ll be the perfect darling and partner in heroism for the batfam 💜

Hope you liked this Anon and thank you for requesting!

[definitelyunhingedagentphoenix]

Agent Phoenix and John Juniper: *on a first date at a fancy restaurant*

Reginald and Roxana: *at the table next to them in these bad boys*

[minnielvrr]

Day 6: Creak

Lee: Hyunjin Ler: Felix Word Count: 1.6k

A/N: i hope you guys like this🥺💖 thank you guys so much for your support these past few days, it means a lot to me🫂🥰💞

Tags: @itzsana-kiddingmenow, @lajanaa, @bbybumblelee, @hearted-anon, @lunalattae,

@reginald-stay09, @jungwon-is-the-one

Creak. Hyunjin's body stiffened, cursing the stupid floorboards for being so loud. He paused, listening for any sound, anything to indicate that whatever Jisung had told him was here, hadn't heard him.

The stairs remained quiet and seemingly un-haunted, so with a gulp and some prayers, he took another slow step forward. But after exploring 3 dusty rooms and a sad looking bathroom, Hyunjin finally stepped out.

He took a deep breath of fresh air, sighing in relief. He was safe. So, with a smile curling his lips at the thought of proving just that to his very cocky friend, Hyunjin found himself lost in minutes.

It didn’t make sense. He’d followed the same trail back, so why was he circling back to the entrance again?

A sinking sense of unease settled over him and Hyunjin looked around cautiously as he once more started on the path.

Third times the charm, he convinced himself, but once again, he stood at the entrance of the building.

The sun was still high above him, which was the only thing keeping him from having a panic attack right then and there.

Why on earth bad he taken this trip alone. Proving Jisung wrong was starting to seem like a foolish and immature idea.

He should really have thought this through. Scared and frustrated he was about to see if he could call someone when the device was yanked from his hand by a gust of wind.

It dangled in the air, a whole foot out of reach. He stared at it, frozen. He didn't dare even turn his head to look around.

"Please...," he breathed to no one in particular, pleas and prayers leaving his lips a mile a minute as he squeezed his eyes shut and clasped his hands tight.

He was going to die here, wasn't he? The sinking feeling in his gut intensified, so much so that he found himself hyperventilating.

Oh gods, he was on the verge of having a panic attack. But before his mind could begin to fully process his situation, soft, warm…hands? cupped his cheeks and a deep, gentle voice spoke.

"Deep breaths. You're going to be okay. Please open your eyes. I'm not here to hurt you."

And against all his instincts, Hyunjin shakily opened on eye, the other following soon after when he saw the beautiful boy in front of him.

He had sky blue eyes and raven locks that framed his face beautifully. His pointed ears peaked from the sides of his face and when he smiled at Hyunjin, the world seemed to brighten a little.

The boy’s dark beauty held Hyunjin in a daze, but doubt still flickered in his chest. Could he really trust this stranger?

Yet the warmth in his eyes and the soft words melted away his worries, bit by bit.

Hyunjin listened to the strange boy, following his breathing until it matched the others’. But he still felt the remnants of panic clutching at his chest.

He stared at the boy in front of him, unsure whether to feel relieved or wary. His heart skipped as a playful smile grew on the boy’s face, and before Hyunjin could question what it meant, he was whisked away.

Before Hyunjin could question the smile, the world around him shifted as though Felix had folded the very air.

Colors blurred, the scenery bent in a dizzying display and when everything refocused, Hyunjin found himself standing in a different part of the forest.

Trees surrounded them and he saw Felix standing a few feet away in a pool of sunlight.

The younger hurried over to him , though, when he realized Hyunjin’s dazed state.

“Hey, hey, hey. Sorry, did that startle you?” The elf giggled, the sweet sound bringing about a small smile on Hyunjin’s own face.

“A little,” he admitted, then the racing thoughts in his mind exploded in a single question, “…um, who are you?”

“I’m Felix! I’m an elf.” The younger replied, excitedly. He looked curiously at Hyunjin, waiting for what he realized was his own introduction.

“I’m Hyunjin. It’s nice to meet you, Felix.” The boy beamed when Hyunjin used his name, eyes crinkling as he did a little hop of joy.

“Hyunjin… that’s a beautiful name, fit for such a beautiful human.” He said, matter of fact.

He watched in fascination when Hyunjin blushed shyly, rubbing his neck and muttering out embarrassed ‘no’s and pleased ‘thank you’s.

“I see your still a little nervous,” the little elf noted with a smirk, leaning closer to the human. “I can help with that.”

And before Hyunjin could ask what he meant; a soft, ticklish sensation danced across his skin.

The taller recoiled, swatting at his sides where the tingly feelings were most concentrated. But try as he might, it didn’t do anything to help.

His eyes snapped pleadingly to the amused elf, giggles spilling from his lips as he stumbled and fell back.

Felix caught him easily, waving his hands to create a cotton like bed of fluff that he laid the ticklish boy on.

“Nahahaha whahahat ihihis thihihis?!” He squealed, writhing on the soft material as the elf enjoyed his suffering.

Suddenly, many little fairy helpers fluttered around, their mischievous grins matching Felix's as they prepared their magic.

"Hm you're so...ticklish Hyunjinnie" The elf boy observed, eyes keen and curious as he reached forward and raked his hand down Hyunjin's abs.

The taller squealed, twisting away from the sensation. Amusement brimmed in Lixie's expression, his demeanor shifting from meek curiosity to playfulness as he instructed the flowers to wiggle faster at Hyunjin's sides and armpits, his pinned hands writhing in their tree root prison.

"Fehehehelix plehehehease!" He begged through helpless laughter when everything intensified, but it only made the elf smirk mischievously.

"Our names are a powerful thing Jinnie~ You shouldn't use it so brazenly. I suppose a little punishment is in order, don't you agree?" He crooned, his hands moving to Hyunjin's hips and playing it like a harp.

No matter which way Hyunjin turned, Felix seemed to find a new spot to replace the old, the tickling continuing.

“Plehehehehease!! Ohohoho myhyhy gahAHAHAHAD!! I CAHAHAHAN’T TAHAHAKE IHIHIT!!”

Lix giggled at his shrieky laughter, “I can see that. Are you always this squirmy when you’re tickled, Jinnie? Or am I doing an especially good job?”

It brought back, unnecessarily flustering memories of Jisung tickling him without mercy, using any excuse he could find to squeeze out every last giggle from Hyunjin’s lips.

Felix’s teasing caused a dark pink hue to paint the older’s face, Hyunjin barely yelping out a frantic, “shuHUHut uhuHUHUP!!” before dissolving into full blown laughter.

He felt light headed from the sensations, his body melting into a pile of mush between the ceaseless triad.

The dust and fairy wings fluttering at his neck and ears, the flowers pacing all over his torso and finally, Felix torturously dexterous fingers wreaking havoc on every sensitive inch of his body.

Hyunjin couldn’t believe how quickly the terror had transformed into this bizarre, ticklish torment.

His mind scrambled to make sense of the situation, but all he could do was laugh helplessly as Felix's fingers found every sensitive spot.

“FeheheheliHIHIX PLEHEHEHEASE!! IHIHIHIT THIHIHICKLES!!” Hyunjin wailed breathlessly.

“Hmm…” Felix gazed at the adorable mess contemplatively, then snapped his fingers with a wicked grin.

 Flowers dancing across his skin, their petals teasing and wiggling as they went Felix crouched by his side, giggling softly while he watched Hyunjin squirming on the forest floor.

“Tell me Jinnie, do you still feel scared?” Felix cooed, leaning close.

“Ahahahall ihi feeheeheel ihis tihihICKLING!! shihiHIHIT IHIHIT’S SOHOho bahahahad.”

Felix snickered at his pleas, trailing his fingers gently over Hyunjin’s abdomen one last time before letting up.

As Hyunjin’s laughter began to subside, he lay there panting, barely able to process how his fear had transformed into something so playful and strange.

How was he supposed to explain this to anyone? Not even Jisung would believe him.

He’d probably tease Hyunjin even more, telling him he’d been craving tickles so much he’d actually fallen asleep in a forest to dream it.

“If you need me, you know where to find me,” Felix told him with a smile that contained in it, endless mischief.

Then he snapped his fingers again, this time, leaving Hyunjin right in front of his dorm.

He blinked, wondering how Lix knew but he decided to save the questions for when he would visit the younger.

With a giddy smile, he opened the door to his home and was immediately startled by a familiar, loud voice.

“Holy shit Jinnie where were you?! I was about to call the police!”

Jisung threw his arms around the older in a tight embrace and Hyunjin could only blush, utterly flustered as he told Sungie about how he got lost but found his way back with the help of… a friend.

“You’re acting strange… You look like you do whenever I absolutely wreck you.” The quokka remarked with a smirk.

Hyunjin’s face was flaming as he tried to think of anything but the way Felix’s hands had only minutes ago been wiggling and kneading his sides.

Han gave him a suspicious look but didn’t press, simply bringing over some food and drinks for Hyunjin to eat.

Each week, Hyunjin found himself drawn back to the enchanted forest. It was strange, almost embarrassing to admit, but part of him was excited to see what new tricks Felix had in store.

And after a few times, he even got a chance to tickle Felix, using his own techniques and playful little friends. Turns out, he was just as sensitive as Hyunjin was.

[ondeemand]

Umbrella Academy Season 4 Review

I cannot understate how bad this season was, not just from a character writing angle, but from a world building one as well. Am I biased because Five is my favorite character and he, arguably, had the biggest character assassination this season? Maybe. But I'd still like to go over my analysis of the final season of Umbrella Academy despite the fact that I'm going to pretend it didn't happen.

Things that don't make sense with the logic they've established

Little to no explanation of the “upgrades” or changes in everyone’s powers. Only some got an actual upgrade (Allison, Klaus, Five, Viktor, and Lila), but Ben’s tentacles just changed positions with no explanation (likely so he didn’t have to wear that greenscreen torso setup), and Luther and Diego just stayed the same.

○ Why does Allison’s upgrade involve super strength and/or telekinesis? I could maybe see it working on people (a silent command for them to do physically impossible things like float), but why does her power make the lights flicker and furniture move? ○ Why does Lila have laser vision as her upgrade? Her power is to copy powers, no one here has laser eyes. If it’s meant to be an upgrade, why is her upgrade laser eyes of all things? You could have made it so she can use multiple powers at once instead. Not to mention that the laser vision played next to no important role in the entire show besides one attack in the final fight that Viktor could have done instead. ○ Luther mentioned in an episode that he’s been having problems with his powers? What problems? That was never shown and never elaborated on. Also, everyone has already mentioned this, but Luther getting his power back wouldn’t give him the ape DNA.

The show claims that Allison also lost her powers last season despite her not getting her Marigold taken out of her. This could have been a programming thing with Reginald’s universal reset, but it isn’t really established so we’re left to guess (or at least I am).

Why did the CIA hire an 18 year old (at most) looking boy and accept that his name is a number? Did they not question that he’s a Hargreeves and any relations he may have to Reginald? This could be explained that the CIA looked the other way because Five’s boss was a member of the Keepers and possibly knew he had something to do with the timeline being screwed up, but this isn’t ever confirmed.

I liked that Lila’s family was alive, but how? Why? How did they reconnect? Did Lila replace their daughter? Are everyone else’s parents alive? If so, why didn’t they go look for them (especially Klaus, who went out of his way to find his birth mother last season)? Are the other October 1st children alive in this universe? If so, why didn’t they look for Sloane, even if she’d have no memory of her time as a Sparrow? This plot point just creates so many questions that go unanswered.

Number inconsistency with the timeline (Five is 63 instead of 64 years old, saying they spent 5 years instead of 6, etc). The beginning of the show said it was a 6 year time-skip, but the end of the season said it was only about 5 1/2 years, which is likely what led to these inconsistencies. It’s a small detail, but all it would take to fix is to just say it was a 5 year time-skip from the start.

Ben on a subway train last season was seemingly not explained despite subway trains being a very important plot device this season. I get that they probably had to change the story because of Netflix canceling the show, but still.

What’s with the Jennifer portrait in Sparrow Ben’s room in season 3 if he’s never met her before? It was probably just meant to be a reference, but now it retroactively doesn’t make sense.

Why does Claire know that Klaus is immortal? Even if he told her, why would she believe him? They live in a world where they never had powers, and I don’t think anyone told her they got the powers back, let alone every detail of how Klaus’ work.

Five used the ability to go back in time in short bursts way back in season 2, why does he never use that power again? (The answer is that it was too convenient and could fix any plot point, but still)

No paradox psychosis symptoms in the deli full of Fives (because it’s in the subway? Unclear and unexplained).

Diego said that Lila hates bracelets and traded one that Diego got her, but she kept the one Diego made in the 1963 asylum and wore it for the rest of the season. It even made it to season 3 where Diego had kept it for most of the time, then returned it to Lila at the end. It’s such an important symbol of their relationship, but they just had to throw in a random reason that Diego would discover the affair that doesn’t even make logical sense.

Very small thing, but Viktor said he was going to pull out Ben’s Marigold but then they switched it to pulling out his/Jennifer’s Durango.

Klaus doesn’t have his Hello/Goodbye or cult tattoos but they do all have the umbrella tattoos? That doesn’t make sense.

Seeing all the kids being happy in the new timeline was nice, but I do have to point out that they wouldn’t exist if their parents didn’t, or it’d be incredibly unlikely that they’d turn out exactly the same and end up being all together.

Seeing Grace happy at the end was also really sweet, but it didn’t make logical sense because the real Grace is from Dallas in the 60s. She’d be old and/or dead by then, and if they showed her, why not also show Ray, Missy, and Harlan?

Things I just don't like about it

Where’s Ray? It was sad that he was so easily written out and delegated to just a few lines.

Klaus getting whored out is so uncomfortable. Thank god they cut away before it got too graphic, but it was still so bad.

Klaus overall was underutilized and given the short end of the stick this season. How it usually works is Five and Lila are the A Team, they have all the pieces put together and are making real progress. Everyone else is the B Team, they’re trying their best to solve the plot but sometimes make unnecessary moves because they don’t know everything. And then there’s Klaus on the C Team doing god knows what (and I love him for it). However, even if it’s silly, it always impacts the story in some sort of helpful way.

○ In season 1 he gets kidnapped and sent to Vietnam on his own side quest. The plot relevance is that now he learns more about Hazel and Cha Cha and learns how the briefcases work. This is also a somber character moment that forces him to mature through a traumatic event. More positively, it’s where he meets the love of his life that, in turn, has ties to season 2. ○ In season 2 he fucks off for 3 years to start a cult. This allows him time to really practice with his powers and has development for Ben, as well as getting him connections and experiences that help them later on. ○ In season 3, while the rest of the cast are dealing with the Sparrows, he and Five go on a road trip to Pennsylvania. This fun jaunt leads to the incredibly important revelation that their mothers died before they were born, and the discovery of the Kugelblitz. He later goes on another road trip side plot with Reginald where he actually trains his powers, which allows him to survive the Kugelblitz and reveal Reginald’s actions to everyone in the Hotel Oblivion. ○ In season 4, Klaus… gets kidnapped by a gang he owes money to and gets spiritually and physically whored out to people. He manages to escape by himself, is almost immediately found by the gang again, gets buried alive and left to die over and over again (incredibly similar trauma to the mausoleum that isn’t addressed), and is rescued by Allison and Claire. He gains nothing from this except for more trauma. It’s not plot relevant, he doesn’t learn anything or gain any new skills from it, and he doesn’t even get the money he dug up. It’s mind boggling how many plot irrelevant things got squeezed into the final season when the runtime was cut in half. I’d argue that maybe it would all be worth it if they included the cut scene where Klaus goes to an AA meeting.

Not the fault of the show, probably, but the captions weren’t always accurate.

Lila and Five romance which is gross both in-universe and between actors. Not to mention how allonormative it is that Five “had to have a love story,” because the show was already a familial love story. I really don't believe Five and Lila would get together, but even if they did, they would both drop it the moment they got back to their family.

○ I believe that they would grow very close, especially when they’re the only people together. It’s like a diet apocalypse (I’ll get back to this point later), so it makes sense that they’d grow closer on top of the relationship they had based on their established similar backstories and traumas. ○ Five would NEVER give up on finding his family. It’s his main motivation, the very core of his character. Would he want to take a break after 6 ½ years on top of his 45 previous years being stuck? Absolutely, that’s entirely plausible, but he’d want to leave the second he found the journal. ○ Five loves his family, full stop. He’d NEVER hate Diego for his reaction to getting cheated on, and he’d never want to “fucking kill him.” Have we forgotten how a young Five tried to shake Diego’s corpse awake when he first got to the apocalypse? ○ On top of it all, he would never just abandon everyone like that and fuck off to another timeline, and especially not because he got dumped.

I wish the show focused more on how visiting the apocalypse and getting stuck on in the subway would dredge up old memories for Five. He had a whole PTSD attack in season 1 and freaked out hard. I know it’s been a few years for him, but seeing any kind of reaction besides mild concern would have been nice. Same with Klaus and getting buried alive. I didn’t even know that he was dying over and over until I watched the cut AA scene. Robert Sheehan has so much range and I wish they let him shine in that more serious moment on top of how well he does the comedic stuff.

I get that Random Fire Boy from the Phoenix Academy timeline was likely just another one of the October 1st kids, but why create a whole new guy for just that scene? Why not use one of the other established Umbrellas or Sparrows to shoot an attack that took 2 seconds of screen time?

The CGI was bad ngl. I thought it looked worse than usual last season, but this was. Not good.

The final fight with the big glob monster felt kind of disjointed and awkward, both with the pacing, visuals, and dialogue.

Incredibly sad that Ben (and Jennifer, but we didn’t get enough time to really bond with her) died so horrifically. He died scared and alone, never having fully connected with the Umbrellas who only ever saw him as a replacement for their own dead brother.

The fact that there wasn’t a dance sequence this season is really telling. Someone online proposed the idea that they should have danced as they waited to die, and I think that would have been great. The soundtrack did use another version of “I Think We’re Alone Now” for the final scene, but I think this part would have benefited more. Five and Lila would get to join in, and it’d be nice because they weren’t alone anymore. Even if they were going to die, they’d be together. It would have added more sweetness to a bittersweet ending.

The Diego fat jokes weren’t funny. Fatphobia isn’t funny. He also isn’t fat??? He’s really fucking muscular as shown by him going shirtless in the CIA fight (the Marvel dehydrate+flex method strikes again). Maybe he gained some weight since previous seasons but not to an unhealthy degree. He’s a suburban father of 3 who sits in a van all day to deliver packages, of course he’s not as active as he used to be when he was a crime fighting vigilante.

They also never name Diego and Lila’s third child despite them being so important to Lila and why she chooses her family over her affair. Grace as their first daughter is sweet (Diego was a mama’s boy to the end), then Coco is nice (Spanish name like Diego’s), and then there’s Coco’s unnamed twin. It would have been nice to give them a more traditionally Punjabi name to even it out, or show interesting character psychology for Lila if they were named after someone like The Handler or AJ.

No Pogo except in a flashback? The gang that held Klaus hostage were the Mothers of Agony, so I thought he would be there and maybe help Klaus escape. I guess if Reginald had his wife and never made the Umbrella Academy, he wouldn’t have done the experiments that made Pogo into what he is? That either adds to how awful Reginald is, or it’s just another plot hole.

That whole vomit scene. Bad and Not Funny.

Baby shark was funny at first but got old and cringe incredibly fast.

Things I DO like about it because I want to stay at least a little positive

(It’s not in the show but conceptually, with Allison’s new powers, she could tell someone to kill themselves and they just would which is a funny visual)

The family photo was cute, I love looking at everyone’s individual reactions.

The episode 4 flashback sequence was great.

○ Good casting for the young versions of characters. ○ I love that it showed how close Viktor and Ben were as kids. It’s always been a strong headcanon within the fandom but I don’t know if it’s ever been established on screen before (besides Ben’s sacrifice in season 2). ○ POGO!!!!! ○ Ben said fuck!!!!! ○ Holy SHIT very good reveal of Ben’s death. It was super shocking and unexpected, and the fact that it was a big mystery for so long and ended up being something so simple really added to the tragedy.

Allison throwing a plate at Reggie lmao.

Viktor standing up to Reginald!!! Let it out king!!! And I love that his outburst shows even more how close he and Ben used to be.

Diego and Luther’s dumbassery, I love them so much. The two halves of a whole idiot are BACK. They’re besties and I love it.

Diego learned Punjabi for Lila and her family!!!!! That’s so fucking sweet of him!!!!!!

The soundtrack, as always, was a banger.

Most of the fight scenes are great, either hilarious or incredibly violent or a mix of both.

Hargreeves being an abusive father but not a transphobic one lmao.

I still love the umbrella shapes at the beginning of every episode, and the final one being inverted was sick.

I wasn’t sure about Gene and Jean at first but I love them. Great casting choices, great performances, they felt very reminiscent of the weird and unique aesthetic of season 1 that I’ve been missing.

Diego calling Five “Cinco” was so cute. Too bad this horrible version of Five didn’t deserve it.

I do like how Viktor and Reginald were paired up together when they had the most strained relationship at the start of the show. It felt like a sign that Viktor was stronger now and had been able to recover enough to do so.

○ I understand where people are coming from that it feels too much like forgiving Reginald and absolving him of all his abuse. But also, this is the show that forgets about all the bad things a character has done between seasons, let alone between several. Viktor slashed open Allison’s throat? Water under the bridge. Luther locked Viktor in the same chamber that Reginald did and gave him a mental breakdown? Forgiven and forgotten. Allison’s sexual assault on Luther? To them it’s been 5–6 years so he’s had time to process it but still, never brought up again. I’m not excusing these writing choices, just establishing that it’s been a pattern. At the very least, this one felt like there was closure because Viktor actually got to stand up for himself and his siblings.

They finally wrapped up the plot thread of Five creating the commission, even if it was just delegated to a throwaway line. The fact that they addressed it at all was satisfying enough to me, especially in comparison to everything else.

It’s a blink-and-you’ll- miss-it moment, but Five protected Luther’s head from bullets when the van was getting shot at. So funny that he keeps trying to use his small body to protect the actual tank that is Luther.

○ It’s similar to the scene in season 2 where Five (prepubescent body) pushes Luther (bulletproof ape body) out of the way of falling bricks and gets crushed. Luther is canonically bulletproof (maybe not in the head?) and Five KNOWS this because he saw him get shot by a tank in 1963. ○ Thank god at least SOME part of his love for his family and protective instincts survived this season’s character assassination.

I like that the final scene of them all in a circle kind of mimics the ending of season 1 (even if I wish it was a dance sequence instead).

I liked that the ending showed other characters getting to have normal lives (The Swedes, Hazel and Agnes, Grace (even though that doesn’t make sense), The Handler, Dot and Herb, etc). If it had to end in a bitter way, I like that we got even this small comfort.

TLDR

Overall, while the season wasn’t entirely unbearable to watch, the small, momentary Pros are heavily outweighed by the Cons that either break the show’s logic, assassinate the characters, or are storytelling choices that leave longtime fans like myself dissatisfied.

3.65/10

[mythness]

Paring: Past!Five Hargreeves x Gn!Reader.

A/n: erm please ignore the spelling mistakes I made this at 12:57 am. I’m tried and just wanted to make this. And if this makes no sense oh well.

Warning: mentions of drugs.

Past Five is stubborn.

Like you can’t get this boy to get out of the house due to his Fathers rules

Even if Reginald is out doing meetings he wouldn’t sneak out, so you have pull him out.

Forbidden love. Romeo And Juliet trope, your normal and he’s “a teleportation monster.” His words

You definitely forced him to listen to a ‘Hey Lover’ by The Daughters Of Eve on Vinyl (he had to borrow Allison’s Vinyl player, which she wasn’t really happy about.)

Once he learned how to ball dance due to the lessons his father put in the kids. He immediately showed you how to do it with him, and he basically “swooned” you.

Once he time traveled nobody told you until a week later, you do what you usually do throw small rocks at his window. But he didn’t respond so you kept doing it until your arm was sore.

And once his cranky brother Luther opened his window and told you the bad news.

That day you cried on the way home knowing he may not come back.

So once everyone in the house was gone and moved out, you officially became a un-employed employee.

You trimmed the grass outside of the dusty home, planted flowers came to water them on a daily. Pogo noticed you and let you inside for tea, offered you to do it for money which you declined.

So once Reginald died you soon started to interact with Five’s siblings. You first met Allison, she asked what relation you had with him. Because she has never seen you before in her life.

Once she realized you were the reason why Five smirked to himself every day she was happy.

Which brings you to sitting in THE UMBRELLA ACADEMY, Again after 4 years, after being hired by Pogo.

You meet Viktor, a kind soul but miss understood. Then Diego which wasn’t happy with you being there.

Then Klaus which thought you were a long lost sibling, and was definitely higher than a kite.

Luther was okay with seeing you, knowing that you were Fives love. And recognizing you from years ago.

You were exploring the large mansion more, it smelt like leather mixed with dust, And rich people. Soon a large blue light caught your attention.

You ran to were it was, and shoved behind Diego. A small person came out of it. It was your Five.

[goodoldfashionedengineer]

TUA Tumblr Simulator pt. 2

Find more here: pt. 1

—

💩is-reginald-hargreeves-dead-now Follow

10/01/2007

NO

💩is-reginald-hargreeves-dead-now Follow

21/03/2019

YES, HE'S DEAD NOW!!!

938,649 notes

🤲health-and-goodness Follow

RIP Sir Reginald Hargreeves

🌄chanceschances Follow

HA, no

FUCK Reginald Hargreeves, all my homies HATE Reginald Hargreeves

256,803 notes

🏰study-hall-monitor Follow

Wait, how old is Reginald Hargreeves? Did he not age? Seriously, look at this photo from 2002 and look at this photo from this year

🦕dino-nuggiez Follow

If you were on Facebook, they'd say he was a lizard person

🐊florida-shaped-being Follow

Fortunately, we're on Tumblr

Which means that people will say he's a crab person

🎃helloqueen Follow

🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀

🍁chaos-is-my-peanutbutter Follow

You fools

OBVIOUSLY he's an alien

👾codey-for-everyone Follow

Wait. Omg. It makes sense!

It would also explain their powers, think about it!

You're an absolute genius, I can't believe no one has ever thought about that before!

🍁chaos-is-my-peanutbutter Follow

Lmao I think you're taking this too seriously buddy

🖍️memecent-van-go Follow

You are ALL wrong

He is actually created in a lab by the government and they said he "died" to surprise us with the biggest April Fool's prank in the history of mankind next week

498,737 notes

🪩 traumallama Follow

Congratulations to all the Hargreeves siblings, I am very happy for you. May you lead a very peaceful and cheerful life now that your dickhead father is gone

🌌 jupiters-moons Follow

🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳

🌨️ twirlingandwhirling Follow

I just feel bad for The Séance. Wouldn't like to have my abusive dad following me around

👥 lurkeringlurrlurr Follow

By that logic his dead brother, The Horror, would also be following him around

🌌 jupiters-moons Follow

Their names are Klaus and Ben.

🚵 rolly-molly Follow

Can we go back to The Séance thing? I mean, his power is that he can see ghosts iirc, who is to say he can't see Ben? (Also, seriously, The Horror? That must be so bad for a child)

👥 lurkeringlurrlurr Follow

Sure, I guess it wouldn't be impossible

But if *I* had my dead brother following me around all the time, I think I'd lose my sanity

9,734 notes

🪷sweet-sweet-sweeter Follow

Why Reginald Hargreeves kinda hot ngl

🥐food-up-with-this-croissant Follow

Dude, he JUST died

🪷sweet-sweet-sweeter Follow

What? I like old guys!

🌾crying-in-bed Follow

Tumblr user not simping over a white rich dude challenge: FAILED ❌

👾codey-for-everyone Follow

Also he's probably an alien

🪷sweet-sweet-sweeter Follow

Even better for the monsterfuckers

🐍nessiesmuse Follow

The monsterfuckers don't want him either

💟singthissong Follow

Abi, I say this as your friend, your mutual...

Get a better taste in men

🪷sweet-sweet-sweeter Follow

Maybe when I can afford rent, food and bills with one job I will

5,679 notes

☂️brellies-fan Follow

Is that Number Five, aka, The Boy, the one who disappeared 17 years ago?! Why does he still look like 13!? What's happening?!

1,139,580 notes

[kaybreezy3000]

The Devil Within

A Five Hargreeve / Reader insert

Five Hargreeves has not lived an easy life and no matter where he ends up, things never seem to get much better for him.

Stuck inside a body that's his but not, Five is having a hard time moving on, but sometimes all it takes to totally flip a person's view of things is one very special dark and mysterious night.

-note: female OC will remain unnamed and mostly non-descript to give this one a sort of reader insert-ish vibe.

Warnings and extra tags: sexually explicit content, mind games, a little bit of Klaus and Dolores in this one, dubious consent, violent behavior, rough sexual behavior, Dominance and Submission, dirty talking Five, daddy kink, biting, blood, mild body dysmorphia, public sex, Five has many lovey issues but he's still our sweet boy so hang tight-he's going to pull you through all sorts of emotions with this smutty story😏

(23,127 words 4 chapters total)

(Chapter 1 and 2 post)

Chapter One: Bad Boy; Good Man

It was October thirty-first. Just twenty-nine days after Five Hargreeves had the pleasure of turning what he’d estimated was the equivalent of the age of eighteen. He was stomping down a dark alleyway, hands jammed in his pockets, shoulders hunched, with his eyes staring blankly at the wet cement in front of him.

Like normal, Five wasn’t in a good mood, though there was no denying that he was doing much better than during the first October when he’d turned eighteen. 

That time, he’d been thin as a rail and freezing his ass off in an early apocalyptic winter. Huddling in his improvised shelter, he had tried to get as much comfort as he could by way of cuddling up to Dolores, but her painted plastic skin was as cold and unyielding as the air around him.  

All Five had wanted was to feel something good to help him through his pain, but he couldn’t even have that when faced with the grim reality around him, so he did the next best thing. 

He let go and lost his mind, so he didn’t have to be alone. 

Almost right away when he’d found he couldn’t get back to his family, Five had found Dolores and he’d made her his companion. He started having two-sided conversations with her to keep himself from going insane, but it wasn’t until that sad night of his eighteenth birthday that Five started to feel Dolores’s warmth for the first time, and he did after that for the next fifty-three years.   

He did what he had to. He survived so he could get back.

He was sure that if he did, he could fix everything.

Turned out, he did make it home to his family but not until almost a lifetime later, and fixing things isn’t exactly what Five would call what he did. Fucking it up royal was a better way of summing up what he and his siblings did, both in their own original timeline, then again in the past when they were in Dallas, and then when they were trapped in a hell of their own making in the Sparrow’s timeline.

Now, in a new world made by Reginald, dumped with almost nothing and with no powers to help them, Five was feeling just about as desperate as he was when he was that lost little thirteen-year-old boy, alone in a burning world of death and ashes. Here he was stripped of all scars and even the tattoo he’d had since he was a child. Everything was normal; it was fixed.

But mentally he was far from fixed.

Having to move in with Klaus since he wasn’t old enough to rent on his own was Five’s best option considering he had no others, but it was a huge slap in the face for the fifty-eight-year-old, once infamous temporal assassin.

As much as Five was happy that they were alive and the world didn’t seem to be on the verge of falling apart, sometimes this new existence felt like just another punishment for all his many wrongs and this night was just another bad one that he'd rather not be having.

It was lightly misting out. As he walked along in the dark, Five’s chocolate-colored strands of hair were beading up with tiny drops of moisture. 

It was damp and cold and well past ten on Halloween night, so of course that’s the night Five was forced out of his own apartment unless he wanted to continue to listen to his brother’s latest boy toy loudly moaning and groaning to the rhythm of Klaus’s headboard banging into the wall that divided their bedrooms.  

As Five trudged along, dead set on finding the closest bar to drown his sorrows in, he unexpectedly heard what he thought was someone crying for help.

He looked down the alley to his right just in time to see a huge man dressed like a gorilla raising his hand at a cowering female that he’d backed up against the wall of the building.

Five watched as he dropped his furry black mask on the ground and pressed himself against the girl, crushing her with his body as he violently groped her. She closed her eyes, her mouth opening wide in a silent scream as she waited for the blow from the hand he'd raised, but luckily for her, the crack of knuckle to bone wasn’t attached to any sort of pain involving her.

When she opened her eyes, it was to a young stranger in a dark suit, standing between her and the man, his head turned to one side, forced there by the creep’s large fist.

“Get out of here!” Five yelled at her, his face turned downwards as he held a hand to it.

Then like a scene from a movie, he slowly righted his head, his green eyes flashing with anger.

“Is that all you got? Used to hitting little girls?” he seethed.

The man looked totally pissed that Five had just gotten in his way. He puffed up and retaliated by tackling him. With a good seventy pounds on the teen, he hit him like a freight train. The girl scrambled out of the way as they barreled toward her.

Five grunted as his back slammed into the building.

The guy’s fist came flying at Five’s face at about one hundred miles per hour. At the last second, he ducked, and the dipshit’s fist crashed into the brick. “Fuck!” Spit erupted from his mouth just as blood erupted from his knuckles.

While he shook his hand out, Five spun from his grasp, grabbing the man’s free arm, hitching it high behind his back. The man launched his head backward, hitting Five on the top of the head but not as hard as he would have liked being Five was shorter than him.

Releasing the girl’s attacker, Five staggered back, his eyes unfocused but still managing to see a blunt object laying a few yards away.

Sprinting for it, Five picked up the pipe, swinging it upwards just as the guy was about to throttle him from behind.

The ring of metal to skull stopped the girl’s assailant dead in his tracks. 

The big creep crumbled to the wet pavement.

With his blood boiling and his body filled with adrenaline fueled rage, Five turned and started to stalk away, moving right past her, still clutching the pipe in his shaking hand.

He didn’t say a word, and the girl just stood there as if in shock wth her glittery halo crooked in her hair and the white feathers of her angel costume fluttering in the slight breeze that was moving between the buildings.

She reached out and grabbed Five’s arm, but he kept going and because of that her hand slipped down the sleeve of his suit jacket until her fingers brushed across his palm.

Five was not at all expecting her to touch him, and he was not ready for it when she latched on to him, not letting go.

Wound up like he could explode, Five spun around, verbally lashing out on her. “I’d think you’d have run off by now." The girl said nothing, so he yelled at her. "Go. Home!”

Still, she said nothing.

Her eyes seared into him.

She had the strangest look on her face; one Five couldn’t interpret and didn’t get the chance to because suddenly he was filled with extreme disorientation.

All at once, it was as if he was looking back at himself in a mirror but doing so while standing just as he was in that dimly lit alleyway.

As if that wasn’t weird enough, the man looking back at him was the real him.

Five was old again.

His face was dull looking and tired, with soft wrinkles at the corners of his eyes, and his hair was short and white, only peppered with dark shadows of what remained of his traumatic youth.

Five could even see his usual gray suit of choice and his favorite hat perched on top of his head, all paired perfectly with his neatly trimmed mustache bending with confusion as he tried to form the right words to express what he was feeling, but there was nothing that could explain it.

His mouth opened and closed a few times, looking like he was AJ Carmichael in his plastic baggie, gasping for air that was quickly running out.

"I... I-"

His stammering wasn't going to cut it, and he needed to get out of there, so Five yanked his hand back, the feel of his skin as cold as ice.

A few seconds later, stepping back onto the sidewalk on to the much brighter street, Five’s hand came up, rubbing his face, his trembling fingers lingering on his smooth upper lip.

He looked back the other way and saw the young girl dressed as an angel had disappeared. It was as if she took flight on her silly nylon coated wings, and poof, she was gone.

Weirder yet, the guy he’d just nailed on the head with the pipe was gone too.

A dizzying sensation ran through him. The damage caused by the gorilla man had left Five’s left eye starting to swell.

He needed ice and he needed to get out of there, but Five was stuck like he’d stepped in glue. He touched his fingers to the side of his face, grimacing when they brushed across the swollen socket.

Looking at the smudge of blood on his fingers that had gotten there from his split lip, Five’s mind spun. He couldn’t figure out what had just happened. Then, a rush of chilly air blowing out of the ominously dark alley swirled a tornado of leaves across the fresh spray of blood on his new dress shoes and the sight of that reminded him this wasn’t the best place to linger.

He’d just bashed a man’s skull in. That man was nowhere in sight, meaning Five hadn’t killed him, but still, he needed to go.

A couple dressed as ghosts passed by, the woman looking at Five worriedly and that helped snap him out of his bizarre state of confusion. Chalking up his moment of insanity back there to his concussed brain, Five took off again, grumbling to himself. “God, I fucking hate Halloween.”

A few blocks away and several minutes later, Five walked into a bar. Fortunately for him, since he was already sporting a nasty bruise around his left eye, most of the areas inside of the establishment were darker than it was outside. It was so dark that if not for the flicker of medieval-looking lanterns hanging about and all the strobing lights pulsing to the beat of the music, it would be nearly impossible to navigate his way through the crowd.

The place was packed with people in costumes, all crammed on the dance floor and areas around it. A couple of girls with hardly anything on were grinding on each other in raised cages, looking like some kind of goth version of beach barbies. Five gave them a dismissive glance as he made his way to the back.

This was not his idea of a good time, and it was not his preferred method of getting drunk but going home meant he’d have to deal with Klaus, so this was the next best option.

Away from the more aggressive chaos, Five sat down on a barstool that had just been vacated. Here he could see the action but not necessarily be an active part in it, and better yet, this is where the drinks were. 

Even before intervening to help the girl in the alley, Five needed something hard and strong to take the edge off, but since getting hit in the face by that girl's attacker, the urge to purge his woes had increased ten-fold.

“What the fuck was I thinking,” he said under his breath.

He asked it but the reality was, Five knew very well what he’d been thinking.

He had questionable ethics. Sure… But he also had a long history of being used and abused by others. When it came to defending people that were at a disadvantage and being taken down a bad road because of it, when Five saw that happening to that young girl, it reminded him of himself, and he had to step in to stop it.

It’s not like he hadn’t hurt people before, but not like that guy looked like he was going to hurt that girl. Five had killed plenty of women for no reason other than he was ordered to by his superiors at The Commission, but he had no choice. To Five, what it looked like that guy was trying to do once he knocked that girl out was truly sick. 

Five knew he was one of the bad guys, but he was better than that. At least that’s what he always tried to tell himself when it came to his propensity to overlook his many transgressions.

Just as Five’s mind was wandering back to his weird outer body experience in the alley, another young girl who shouldn’t be out on a night like this, sauntered past him, dressed as a naughty nurse.

The idea of asking her to bandage him up had Five pulling a smirk but instead of calling her over and trying to hit on her, he pulled his eyes off the tight uniform that was hardly covering her ass, he heavily sighed, then he stuffed a hand in his pant pocket and turned back to the bar.

On Halloween night, all women, young and old, got to play their slutty card with zero judgment and the men that were out got to enjoy the free show. The problem with that for Five was, he hardly felt he could do more than take advantage of the look but don't touch policy.

Even though they’d been in Reginald’s new world for over a year and upon arrival Five had been so thoughtfully given a slightly older looking body, he still looked at best the age of sixteen, hence his fuzzy math on figuring his current physical age somewhere around eighteen. When it came to pursuing relationships of the sexual kind that weren’t with inanimate objects, he was mentally closer to sixty, so add all that together and that made him the youngest old dirty perv out there, and even for him, that was a hard pill to swallow.

It’s not like he hadn’t tried to hit on women before while looking younger than this, but that never resulted in anything, and Five knew it wouldn’t. He was only doing it because he enjoyed getting a rise out of them. 

Hooking up was obviously one benefit of these kinds of places and nights like this when the tramps and vamps were abundant. If Five could get past his troublesome age hangups, he was physically legal now and he would definitely not be opposed to some meaningless sex that a one-night stand would provide him, but tonight, all he wanted to do was escape Klaus and escape life by way of good old-fashioned intoxication.

Eyes on the lit-up shelves of liquor behind the bar, Five called out his order to the man in front of him who had been giving him the side eye since he’d sat down. “Give me a shot of Jack and keep them coming.”

The bartender gave him a look. “Seriously?”

“I’m not joking," he curtly responded, then added, "You can really do me a favor and put it on ice if you really want to make it special. Then make the next one poured straight."

The tall man with black eyeliner and a mesh shirt that was draped in chains eyed Five up and down a few times, but despite his lack of ID and his beaten-up appearance, clearly the hundred-dollar bill he'd just laid down and his pricy looking tailored suit were enough to satisfy him that he was close enough to legal drinking age to be there.

“Don’t bleed all over my bar or puke on my floor, little man,” he warned before pouring Five his drink and his next shot, then setting them down in front of him.

Just as Five had drained his ice filled cup and placed the cool glass against his aching eye socket, he felt something skate across the top of his head and then a pair of hands travel up his back.

Reactively jerking his shoulders as his hand moved up to inspect his hair, Five turned to see a very pretty blonde smiling at him as she stood next to Klaus.

Five’s grumpy looking pout turned downright sour. 

“Great,” he groaned. “And here I thought you were staying home tonight.”

Holding what looked like their kitchen broom topped with tin foil to make it look like a shepherd’s hook, Klaus’s glittery blue painted lips spread from ear to ear. “Yeah, well… I changed my mind. It's Halloween and staying home on Halloween is for losers.” 

Klaus’s smile faltered the longer he looked at his younger-looking brother. 

“Did you get in a fight?”

Five’s fingers continued to feel around on his head, finally poking at the pointed horns Klaus had slipped into his ruffled mane. “Yes, I got in a fight and to answer your next question, I won. And to end this lovely conversation, you can take these back,” he said, starting to pull the devil headband off.

Klaus sprung forward, pushing the shimmering black horns back into place. “I can’t let you be the only one here who is not in costume,” he argued.

Swatting Klaus’s hand away, Five knocked back his next shot then dryly retorted, “I am in costume. I am a retired homicidal maniac.”

“I know you are, Fivey, and that is why you make the perfect little devil boy.”

That comment about his age and small stature only made Five feel even less friendly. Putting on an overly sweet smile, making himself look even more the part of the fiend who was dressed to kill in his fancy new psycho suit, he sniggered then said. “I left tonight to get away from you and your boyfriend, so do me a favor and please leave me alone. I am trying to get shit faced in this fine establishment just like the responsible adult I am, and I don’t give two shits about Halloween, and I never have.”

Klaus frowned. “Hey, man. Jake is not my boyfriend, he’s my fuck friend and he had to go to work, so I got bored,” he corrected.

“Whatever.”

“Not whatever…” Klaus defended. “Maybe I wouldn’t need to have people over all the time if you hung out with me more. It gets lonely there with you hiding out in your room, reading your nerdy stuff or playing hanky-panky, hide your wanky with Dolores.”

Five lowered his chin, glowering at his brother. “I only moved in with you because I had too. Since I am legally an adult now, I think our cohabitation arrangement has ceased to serve any valid purpose other than giving you someone to annoy.” 

Five perked up, his eyes widening as his head dropped to the side.

“Oh, and what I do in my bedroom is my business,” he hissed, “-and furthermore, by the sounds I heard coming from your bedroom, you are hardly lonely, so don’t give me that let’s go find the next big ball of string shit.” 

After chewing Klaus out, Five finally took in the full glory of what his brother was wearing. Totally blown away by the sight of it, his head cocked to the side even more, and he scrunched his face at him. 

“Klaus, what the hell are you supposed to be?”

Loving that Five seemed to forget that he was still wearing the devil’s horns he’d adorned him with, Klaus further distracted him by playfully bonking his shoulder with his shepherd’s hook.

Again, Five swatted him off, which was entirely Klaus’s intention to begin with, then totally disregarding Five’s increasing state of twitchy itchiness, he proudly twirled around in his frilly blue dress and even added little curtsy to top it off.

“I am Little Bo Peep. Isn’t it obvious?” he explained, his tone clear that his pretty ensemble should require no explanation.

Five’s bewildered expression melted back into his customary dry smirk. “Uh-huh…” he muttered just before he threw back his next round of Jack.

Even though Five had hardly bat an eye at Klaus’s friend, as he tried to turn back around to dismiss them, she proceeded to snake up to him, sliding a finger through one of his belt loops.

Five took one look down at her hand at his hip, then he narrowed his eyes at her. “Excuse me, Miss? Not sure you are aware, but you are invading my personal space.”

Not seeing the problem, the woman, dressed in a skintight catsuit, erupted in a bubble of laughter as she gave Five’s dress pants a little tug. 

“You are right, he is cute,” she said to Klaus before leaning closer to Five with the sting of alcohol on her breath hitting him so strongly it made his eyes burn enough that he had to blink the fumes away.

Despite how drunk she was and how aggravated he was getting, Five couldn’t help that his eyes flicked down to the mounds of her huge breasts spilling out of her velvety top. Momentarily unable to think of anything other than burying his face in her dirty pillows, his tongue slowly ran over his teeth and his mind went all sorts of naughty places.

With the hand he still had in his pocket nudging his dick into a position that would be less embarrassing for him if he inadvertently let his eyes linger any longer, Five looked back up again, his disinterest still evident in the hard line of his mouth as he posed the question, “Am I supposed to be happy that you think I am cute?”

Only after hearing that did Klaus’s friend look a little hurt, but that didn’t mean she removed her fingers from his pants or that she moved her body away from Five’s backside. 

“Klaus told me you might like a little company…” she dangled.  

“Did he?” Five mumbled, flagging the bartender for another.

As he set down Five's next shot, Five turned and requested a bottle of water as well.

About this time, seeing as Klaus was misinterpreting his slick plan to get Five laid as a done deal, the older looking Hargreeves started back peddling himself out into the crowd, easily disappearing in the lights and bodies moving to the electronic music thrumming through the bar.

Cat lady wiggled her butt, swishing her tail behind her provocatively. “What do you say, want to have some fun? I am really good company…”

“I am going to have to say no. I am all good on company, thank you,” Five returned, then picked up his next shot, flipping it back down the hatch as he shifted his weight forward on the bar stool to try to dislodge her hand from his waist.

Undeterred and obviously too drunk to read her own name let alone pick up on what Five was laying down, she squeezed in next to him, her thighs rubbing up on the side of his leg as her other hand fell in his lap, tickling down between his legs.

“I want you,” she purred.

“I am flattered but I am not interested, but lucky you, that guy over there probably is,” Five noted, tipping the shot glass dangling from his finger at the guy behind her that her cat tail endowed butt was ramming into.

“Awwww, but Klaus said you don’t get out much.” She tried to bat her eyes, but it came off more like she was having a stroke rather than sexy. “He told me this kind of thing is exactly what you need to work through all your demons.”

She rolled her body against Five.

Five straightened his back as he cleared his throat. “Darling, no amount of sex is going to exercise my demons and as much as I’d like to fuck you so hard that you won't be able to see straight for weeks, I have a meeting in the morning,” he effortlessly lied, trying to give her a gentler brush off.

To that, her face lit up excitedly. “It doesn’t have to take long. Klaus told me you are a virgin, so I am sure it won’t. If you want, I can suck you off in the ladies’ room, and later back at your place I can help relieve you of that other little virgin problem,” she dangled, her fingers getting even more frisky.

“As tempting as that sounds…” Five gently peeled her fingers from his pants. “Here,” he said, putting the bottle of water in her hands. “Drink this and go dance. I’ll catch up with you another night.”

“Are you sure?”

As warm and buzzed as Five was starting to feel thanks to the whiskey burning him from the inside out, his old voice of reason wouldn’t be deterred. 

This girl did not know who he really was or what he was capable of, and even considering her offer the tiny amount he was, was making him think it was time to go about ten minutes ago.

She was pretty. Young. Probably twenty-five or maybe a little older, she was lost perhaps, and insecure and very drunk. Five might be a fucked-up prick, but he wasn’t such an asshole that he going to shit on the kid’s feelings because he wasn’t into this. After all, maybe if it wasn’t Halloween, and maybe if she wasn’t doing this because of Klaus putting her up to it, and if she was someone older but not too old that it made it even weirder, Five would have said yes. Looking so young and lacking when it came to social graces, Five knew that he should be grateful for someone willing to look past all that. But…

“I am sure,” he calmly repeated, again ordering her to drink the water as he authoritatively pointed a finger towards the dance floor.

The girl looked smitten by his bossy behavior, but finally getting that Five meant business and not the business she was hoping for, she said, “Thank you. And...just so you know, I still think you are cute.” 

Then the kitty danced away on unsteady legs that Five was having a twinge of regret not having wrapped around him as he tried his best to fuck her pussy through the metal wall of one the bar's bathroom stalls.

Even though she was very inebriated and probably only did what she did because of his brother, the girl’s minority opinion of him had a small smile pulling at the corner of his mouth.

“Holy shit did that girl have daddy issues,” he breathily mused.

Shaking his head and thinking about how much fun it would have been to be her ‘daddy’ for the night, Five paid his tab, then slipped past the dance floor, looking for signs of Klaus, but not seeing him.

He wondered where he’d ended up; whose bed he’d be landing in tonight, but really it didn’t matter so long as he didn’t bring back his conquest to their place because that would mean Five would have to sleep with ear plugs in and a pillow over his head all night.

As Five was midway to the door, he felt someone watching him. He stopped, cautiously surveying his surroundings.

He didn't see any threats but one of the dancers caught his eye. She was a hot little number. Slightly shorter than him, with soft looking hair and a white feathery skirt that covered her ass and not much more. 

Despite her attire, she was dancing alone and appeared perfectly content that way. Five couldn't see her face but her body language said it all. She was dancing for herself and no one else, and that made it damn sexy.

When she finally turned to face him, Five stopped breathing, his fists clenching at his sides as the flashing lights lit up her sparkly halo.

She was the angel girl from the alley, and she was dancing with her eyes closed and a blissful smile on her angelic looking face.

It made no sense after what had almost happened to her that she’d be there. 

In his periphery Five could see that two sleazy looking coyotes were circling her, trying to figure out how to slip in for the kill. As pissed as he was that she clearly hadn’t listened to him and gone home, he still wasn’t about to let them get to her before he took another bite out of her first.

He bolted through the crowd and slipped into the tiny empty space between her and one of the approaching stalkers, placing one hand on her shoulder. 

Her eyes flashed open and for a second and they seemed to glimmer with unnatural light, but Five quickly waved it off, assuming it was the glare from one of the laser lights flipping around.

“You’d think with what happened to you earlier, you’d prefer hanging out somewhere a little less dangerous? Like at home since it’s past your bedtime.”

“I could say the same to you,” she said, her smile as sassy as his words.

Five bit down his ire and gave her an overly sweet smile of his own. “You know that you have a couple of new predators stalking you,” he told her, indicating the two men sulking at the edge of the dance floor.

She turned to look at them. “And you thought you’d rush to protect me, again?”

She rolled her body with the music, their proximity so close that she was forcing Five to mimic the movement of her hips to keep from stumbling like an uncoordinated idiot.

“Something like that," he quickly shot back, "or maybe I thought the look of my beat-up face might remind you that you are luring in all the sickos again."

One of her eyebrows lifted just a little. “I am sorry about your face but are you trying to imply that you’re less of a predator?” Her hand brushed across Five’s chest as her eyes slowly ran over him. “Because… You look like the devil to me.”

Five’s hand moved from her shoulder to the small of her back, pulling her close. “Angel," he deeply growled, "I am one hundred percent a predator, but trust me, unlike with them, you’ll like it when I eat you.”

She laughed, rolling her eyes and shaking her head at him.

The gesture might have been dismissive, but her body language was anything but. She closed the minuscule distance between them, keeping her body pressed against Five’s as she took control of the dance they were doing, guiding him with a suggestive sway of her hips and her hands gliding across his shoulder blades.

Five did not like to dance and only did so when he was shit faced wasted, but he was buzzed and she moved like liquid silk, luring his body to forget it had bones.

As strange as it was, Five would have been content to stay there with her, just dancing and flirt fighting the rest of the night, but then the song shifted to a more bass laden sounding tune, and noting Five’s discomfort, the girl took his hand and led him from the dance floor. 

Her cool hand felt so good wrapping around his hot fingers, that alone was enough to make him follow but then she said, “Come on, handsome. You saved me, so I think that means I should at least buy you a drink.”

Five had known many compelling women but this little seductress leading him along had a very different kind allure about her and only part of that was in how she was so boldly handling him. Sure, Five had swagger, and probably a dictionary full of as many slights as he did pick up lines if he chose to deploy them, but there was something about the way this girl looked at him that made him feel sexier than he’d ever felt.

In a matter of minutes, Five had forgotten why he’d felt the need to confront her or protect her from the other men in the bar. Her face spoke of youthful innocence but everything else about her said differently and Five wanted to take care of her as much as he wanted to do very bad things to her.

Five knew something wasn’t right about that, but he couldn’t wrap his head around it.

Just like in the alley, he felt outside himself, only this time not necessarily in a bad way.

Chapter Two: The Devil's Advocate

After receiving their drinks, the girl took a sip, then gave Five a kittenish look that made his heart beat a little faster than it already was.

Though the girl was getting to him, Five did his best to feign indifference as he smiled back. “What happened to your wings,” he questioned as he looked at her shimmery white outfit while trying not to linger too inappropriately long on the tempting curves of her body.

“I parted ways with them because they were itchy,” she said with a pretty but sad sounding laugh. “Like you, I am more of a fallen angel type, so I fear the illusion I was trying to play off wasn't working that well anyway.”

Silence filled the space between them and Five looked down at the pink drink in his hand, his dark eyelashes fanning over his alcohol flushed cheeks.

“That bruising you’ve got going on really brings out your eyes,” she teased, reaching up to adjust Five's hair so everyone would be able to better see his two pointy devil horns.

Again, he'd totally forgotten that he was wearing the horns and since the girl seemed to be enjoying them, Five decided to leave them on as he huffed a little self-depreciating laugh of his own, then he sipped his matching fruity cocktail and said, “That's great. Just what I was hoping for when I threw my face in front of that gorilla's fat fist.” 

Being the perfect flirt she'd been since Five spotted her on the dance floor, the girl giggled at his grouchy response.

Not sure what to think of this young stranger’s forward behavior with him, Five gave her a sidelong glance.

She sat on her barstool, swirling the ice around in her glass with the glowing straw. Since it was even more crowded than when he had been over there before, Five didn’t sit, but leaned on the bar as he cautiously watched her. Thanks to the booze flowing through him, he felt at ease, but yet not at all, and that contradiction was making it hard for him to let his guard down enough to fully enjoy the girl's surprisingly not horrible company.

“If that hurts too much, I might be able to help,” she offered, clearly referring to his busted eye socket and swollen lip.

Five gave her a hard look. “And how would you help?”

“I’d take you somewhere private and I’d find a way to make you feel better. I owe you and I always pay my debts.”

Five frowned. “Am I missing something or are you looking to get yourself into trouble again?”

“You aren’t missing anything.” She flashed her teeth, her smile so innocent looking that again it was impossible to ignore that she was way too young for him to be checking out in the way he was.

Forcing his eyes off the barely legal eye candy next to him, Five pulled up his cuff to check his watch, noting it was after midnight.

“Like I said before. I would have thought you’d have gone home or called the police to report that guy, not continued with your evening like nothing happened," he challenged as he hesitantly glanced back up then even more firmly added, "Please don't take this the wrong way, but coming into places like this where losers lurk around every corner isn't a very bright idea."  

“What if I said that those kinds of losers were exactly what I was looking for before I found myself and even better catch?”

“I’d say you are fucked up,” Five replied, trying to laugh off her weird rebuttal, but as her hand came up and lingered near the knot of his tie, he stopped laughing and apprehensively asked, “What are you doing?”

“I am helping you.”

“I don’t need help,” Five sharply retorted, his smile beginning to melt away as a hard line drew between his eyes. He set his drink down, readying himself to scold her like an angry parent does a teenager. “I don’t understand why you are at a bar. There is no way you are twenty-one."

As he should have guessed, based on his own appearance, the girl looked very amused by him trying to put her in her place and that only irritated him even more.

“We have quite a bit in common and one of those things is me being older than I look," she said, simpering back at him. "Also like you, if I want something, I have my ways of getting it." She began to softly run her fingers up the back of Five’s suit coat, then to the back of his neck with tender strokes, teasing the ends of his hair. 

The sensation felt so foreign yet so comforting that Five reactively shut his eyes for a moment before quickly opening them again, only now they were filled with alerted suspicion, not the droopy look of contentment he had just so easily given himself over to.

“I don’t think you should be touching me like that,” he cautioned.

The girl looked unconvinced as she leaned into his ear, her cool breath adding to the tickling feel of her fingers splaying through the back of his hair as her nails delicately scratched his scalp in a way that made him want to drool it felt so damn wrong but good. Both feelings mixed, overwhelming Five as wonderful shivers shot up and down his spine.

Unable to fight it, he shut his eyes again. He wanted nothing more than to lose himself to this.

“Oh, I think touching you like this is exactly what you need,” she shushed as she watched him helplessly falling apart. “On top of that, I am not used to such interesting gentlemen like yourself stepping in to right the wrongs of this world for me. Meeting you was a refreshing encounter, and you make me wonder if this thing we have could be more than..."

As she pushed back away from him, Five opened his heavy eyes. The girl's smile was borderline silly as she rolled her eyes around as if thinking really hard about what she was about to say but then she baffled him even more when didn't say a word. Further messing with him, she looked at him again, then plucked the cherry from her glass and began twirling it between her luscious looking red lips.

It was more than clear to Five that she was toying with him but that didn’t mean that he wasn’t eagerly eating it up as he hungrily watched her every move and melted more and more with every sweet touch, she so willingly gave him.

“Wondering if we could what?” he anxiously asked when he lifted his gaze from her mouth to meet her mesmerizing eyes again. 

She said nothing, and his own eyes glazed over with raw desire and something much darker and harder to quench. 

Five’s hand suddenly clamped down onto her leg, midway between her knee and her hip.

Holding his breath, he looked down. He couldn’t believe he’d put his hand on her like that, but it was there, and it was in a very intimate spot.

“It’s okay. I want you to touch me,” she soothed.

Five’s mind filled with all sorts of other things he’d like to be doing to her and touching her only there was just the tip of that iceberg of things he craved.

Heart racing, his gaze rose to her mouth again, lingering on her teeth that were studding into her lower lip.

Five moved in closer, his hand slowly inching higher.

As the girl parted her legs for him, for the third time that night, Five felt as if he was having an outer body experience.

As if her doing that wasn’t temptation enough, a voice in his mind was telling him not to stop, and it was doing it so loudly it was all he could hear.

His hand slid upwards, reaching the top of the girl’s thigh, high up under her skirt where her hip joint met her leg.

Five brought his body closer still, clearing any space left between them as her knees pressed to the insides of his legs, but remained pointed towards the bar, hiding what he was doing to her.

“Number Five, I know what you want to do,” she sweetly sang, almost so quietly and hypnotically that he thought he might have imagined it.

Five hardly thought it was possible that this little vixen next to him had any clue of the things he wanted to do to her but then she proved him wrong.

“You want to make me come, right here while I am sitting on this bar stool,” she said, calling him out without an ounce of doubt.

“Fuck,” Five coarsely muttered.

His fingers as if having a mind of their own brushed across the cool wetness that was soiling her panties. Five's body ached with yearning that was only worse from the feel of that, but his mind suddenly and very painfully kicked back in as if he was just hit upside the head. 

As the lights from the dance floor scattered a rainbow across his face, he felt lightheaded and that had him frantically starting to question what was happening to him.

Five jerked back, but he didn't remove his hand and that was because he felt he couldn't; almost like something was mentally blocking his nervous system from doing what his brain was ordering it to do.

He was trapped.

Unfazed by his state of confusing, the girl reached down as her hand gently explored the smooth cotton that was covering his taut torso. She kept smiling as her fingers walked downward and then below the waistband of his dress pants. Five fought to think clearly, and pull away again, but her grip tightened around the top of the black wool fabric and she said, “Come on, lady killer. I am ready for you…”

“You said my name... But I didn’t tell you my name,” Five whispered as he started to panic. 

The girl’s eyes were locked on Five’s slightly parted lips, and they flickered with that same eerie light he’d seen in them on the dance floor, only this time, he was sure it wasn’t the pulsing lights making them look so otherworldly.

Running her fingers along the sharp angle of Five’s jaw, she only enchanted him further with what she said next.

“Five, I know who you are, and I think you are beautiful. Because of that, I am going to give you something you can’t seem to find on your own, and just so you know, I’d want to give it to you even if you were still outwardly that sad but sweet looking old man you have living inside your head. You are special, and your real age has nothing to do with it.”

“What are you?” Five asked, now sure that the woman next to him wasn’t at all the angel she appeared to be.

Again, she flashed him her pretty smile but this time Five noticed her somewhat elongated incisors looked very sharp.  

Five was stunned; his mind felt foggy, but the fear building in him kept trying to push through the haze.

“You don’t have to be scared of me,” she hushed him with her index finger softly tracing the line of his mouth, stopping before it graced the painful looking split on his lower lip.

Five was frozen in place as the girl’s icy looking eyes darkened and she said, “Like you, I may be a predator, but I assure that you’ll like how I bite.”

The girls’ legs nudged his, wordlessly inviting Five to proceed where he’d left off.

As if drawn to her like they were surrounded by opposite magnetic fields, Five reactively positioned his body even more so in such a way that casual observers would never know what he was doing.

With his hand still up the girl’s skirt, Five’s thumb hesitantly rubbed over her sex.

Five said nothing as he softly touched her, his fingers gliding under the silky fabric as his eyes remained locked to hers.

If the bartender came by them, he’d know exactly what was happening but Five couldn't bring himself to care about that or anything other than her.

The way she was touching him and the things she kept saying to him were all making the crotch of his pants so sinfully tight. That alone was making it hard to think straight but Five knew something was wrong, only he couldn’t bring himself to stop, not when wrong felt so fucking right and his brain kept shorting out.

Driven by unimaginable longing, Five came closer, his lips a mere inch from tasting her. “You may think you know me, but I assure you, you are meddling in things you don't understand,” he darkly warned, then he started to rub harder alongside the small nub of flesh between her legs.

The more his thumb circled her clit, the harder it seemed it was for her to resist rolling her hips against his touch and that empowered Five even more.

He felt like he was coming back to himself, but it was too late. He wasn't going anywhere.

“Beg me to fuck you,” he hotly whispered in her ear, giving her exactly what she wanted but denying himself nothing. 

“Please. Plea-”

Not satisfied, Five upped his pace.

“Fff-uck- Fff-” 

To his delight, she couldn’t finish her breathy hum of 'f' words. The girl dropped her head to Five’s shoulder, her lips brushing past the side of his cheek on the way there. 

He tucked his chin against her temple as if in a lover's embrace.

The feeling of her body being so chilly compared to his enflamed skin instantly reminded Five of how it felt when he was fucking Dolores. That thought and the girl’s immediate obedience that matched that of his beloved, were making his dick so hard it felt like it might rip out of his pants.

Aware of his growing problem, the girl started slowly palming the bulging fabric between his legs.

Five’s head rolled back on his shoulders and a low groan came crawling out of his throat that fortunately was drowned out by the heavy rumble of the bass pulsating through the bar.

“What if someone comes by?” he hissed through his teeth as he tried to focus more on what his fingers were doing than on how good his dick felt in her hand.

“If they know, that just makes this all the hotter,” she breathed against his neck.

Hell yes, it did. 

The thought of some stranger catching him fingering her and her not caring was driving Five’s mind crazy and that made waves of heat surge straight to his loins. 

She wanted him to fuck her and Five wanted to do that more than ever. A deep tightening in his stomach was filling him with visions of dumping his load all over her, just like he liked to do with Dolores when he was in the mood to really shock her.

That wasn’t happening but he was still fucking this girl and just as Five was wishing his hand had more room to move, the girl’s legs drifted further apart.

To that, Five swiftly slid another finger under her panties and straight into her with no warning, causing them both to moan from the venereal tightness of the sensation. Reveling in the feeling of being inside of a real woman’s body for the first time ever, Five’s thumb continued to rub the girl’s clit, and her wet skin directly against his own was making him want to rip the rest of her clothes off and spread her wide as he could so he could bury his face where his fingers were.

Five’s body was blocking his finger pumping in and out of the girl, but when he caught sight of the bartender, who had a slightly different view than the rest of the bar, he returned Five's look of dismayed lechery with a curious looking smile, making it look like he knew exactly what was going on but didn’t seem inclined to interrupt the young devil angel combo that were actively getting off in front of his bar.

“You are such a bad boy, Five,” she whispered as her cool breath tickled his ear and her compliments continued. “You so fucking hot, I wanted you the moment I saw you.” She nipped at his ear, her teeth grazing the shell. “Fuck, I want to taste you,” she prettily growled, and to that, she did taste him, letting her tongue move up his neck before she softly kissed the slight protrusion of his Adam's apple.

As she continued to rub her hand over the fabric covering Five’s confined cock, he wanted to return her compliments but the only thing that would come out of his mouth if he opened it was going to be a moan, so he bit the side of his cheek instead and kept at it, fucking the girl with his fingers thrusting in and out of her slicked hole.

“Oh yes, Ah-Ffff !” she cried.

Her agitated sounds of delight continued as she pulled at the top of Five’s pants, dragging his hips in so his erection came up against the side of her knee. 

Not even questioning it, Five automatically started moving himself against her, humping her with an unforgiving pace. To him, it felt almost exactly like he'd done it some many times with Dolores, and because of that, Five couldn’t help but let his tortured mind slip back to that comforting place of unconditional love that he always had with her.

Now he was safe. That quiet voice in the back of his mind screaming at him that something was wrong went silent.

In his mind, as he pressed himself against the girl, he created the image of Dolores. He could even feel the sensation of his hand holding the familiar shape of Dolores’s rigid fingers. It felt so real that Five could even hear her telling him that she loved him, and not thinking, he whispered it right back.

Dolores’s hand tightened around his, her lips softly kissing his neck again.

Five gasped. The world felt like it was slanting on its axis and he was about to fall off, and that startled him right out of his fantasy.

The seductress held him tight, not letting him move away. “It’s okay, Five. You can pretend I am her. I don’t mind."

Five’s eyes went wider and then even wider when her fingers abandoned his, then brushed through a gap between his shirt buttons, searching through the slits until she found his navel. 

She tickled her fingers around under his clothes, pushing them down the very fine line of hair trailing downwards. He all out spasmed when she found the tip of his cock where he'd tucked it to keep it hidden but was now overhanging his belt because he'd gotten so hard.

The little angel’s finger swirled around the surge of wetness that had formed at his tip, while her other hand squeezed his where he had it digging into her thigh.

All at once, Five's mind was filled with more reassurances and words of love, only now they were not in the voice of Dolores.

With those sharp white teeth pinning her plump lower lip, the girl collected the fluid, then brought it back up to her mouth, licking it as she gazed back at Five in the most sinful way.

To add to Five’s shock, the girl reached back down and started rubbing her thumb up and down the underside of his cockhead, causing him to go weak in the knees.

Five’s mouth burst open, and his words flew out of him. “Oh my god! I know you are inside my head, but I don’t fucking care. I want to be inside you so fucking bad. I want to destroy you. I could fuck you through that wall right fucking now!”

“Ah-hah… That again,” she giggled. “Twice in a matter of an hour you've had that fun idea. You seem to love the idea of fucking people through walls, don't you, Five." This time her taunting was followed by a provocative nip at Five’s lower lip, her teeth scraping over the tender tear in his pink flesh.

Five felt like he was dying. His heart felt like it might leap right out of his chest.

When the wicked cherub seducing him pulled back, letting his lip go, Five let out a small, whimpered plea. “Please kiss me.”

Five watched the girl’s red lips happily spread as she leaned back in, slowly letting her mouth mold to his. 

Five didn’t know what he was doing, but he’d kissed Dolores millions of times, so he thought about that, but let the girl take the lead for him because this was so much more than that.  

The girl was being so soft with him, not at all mimicking the pace of his fingers viciously pumping inside her. Her skin on his was pure ecstasy but when she prodded his lips to part, it was all new territory. The gentle lashes of her tongue teasing his had Five feeling desperate and he immediately pushed for more.

Hand on the back of her neck, Five drove his mouth harder into hers, letting out a soft sound like his soul was breaking.

He felt consumed by the taste of her, and the rhythm of his hand slowed almost to a stop, but only for a second before he picked it back up again and then everything picked up speed.

If the music wasn’t so loud, Five was sure that the sound of the girl’s wanton moans and the sound of his fingers squelching inside her would be heard by everyone around them. As it was, there was no hiding the small thrust of his hips as he fucked her leg like the horny devil he was.

Their kiss had turned deep and wild, and the fresh cut on his lip was throbbing but it felt almost as good as her finger that was still playing with the bloom of his cock. 

When she broke their kiss, feverishly panting, her lips traveled across Five’s neck, softly kissing below his ear with icy hot breaths.

He couldn’t take it anymore. She felt like Dolores, or better yet, like he wanted to believe Dolores felt.

He yanked the girl’s head back, forcing her mouth to drop open. 

Now he saw that her teeth weren’t just sharper than normal, now her canines were dangerously elongated.

He hadn’t imagined it the first time he'd seen it. Five wanted to say so many things, but he didn’t and couldn't. He eyed her blood red lips for only a second before he crushed them with his own again.

Five had never kissed anyone before this. He had never had the nerve to. He had never trusted anyone enough to let himself go in this way. He had no reason to trust this girl and she was clearly not all she appeared, but after a lifetime alone, he was finally getting the chance to have this and for some reason all his worries felt like they didn’t matter anymore.

Five had believed himself damaged beyond repair and that no one would want him if they knew who he really was, and if they did, it would be for all the wrong reasons, but when this girl saw him from the inside, she still had said he was beautiful… 

She started to gasp for air again, her lips moving against the side of Five's mouth. Knowing he had her right where he wanted, and not wanting to let up, Five covered the skin under her ear with wet kisses and daring little bites.

“Oh, Fi-vvve,” she keened, her hips pushing against his hand each time he pumped his fingers into her.

Wanting to make her cry out his name again, Five curved his fingers up, dragging them in and out.

A flood of unintelligible words spilled from the girl’s mouth as her fingernails scratched the skin on the back of his neck.

“OH! FFFfff-uuuck!” she cried.

Not wanting to draw even more attention than they already had even though he was loving this, Five immediately covered the girl’s mouth again with his, smothering her cries as he slid his tongue in, tasting her like he was starving.

The girl’s body started to tremble around Five’s fingers, the feel of it impossible for him not to notice.

She was trying to return Five’s ferocious kiss but was failing and he was in heaven just listening to the beautiful sound of her fighting him.

When Five felt that the pulsing flutter of her body around his fingers had eased to almost nothing again, it was as if the lights got turned back on and the music turned way down. 

Suddenly feeling like a spotlight had been thrown on him and like he’d been drugged and was coming down from the high, Five slowed his hips to a stop.

Despite his bizarrely uncharacteristic level of blind trust unraveling by the second, Five was still careful to keep a steadying hand on the girl and keep her covered as he withdrew his hand.

She met his confused gaze, looking totally blown away as her fingers that had been clinging onto his tie instead came to the nap of his neck, softly stroking his hair again.

“What did you do to me?” The question came out of Five sounding both scared and so full of anger that the girl looked taken aback by it.

“Only what you had wanted,” she defended.

“I didn’t ask to be fucked with. Get out of my head!” he shakily snarled back. 

Her voice came out so unwavering entrancing that it hit him physically. "I am not going to hurt you, Five. It’s okay. Come back to me. I promise it’s going to be okay if you do.”  

Blinking slowly, Five shook his head, trying to wake himself up. In less than a few seconds, even though he intended to, he couldn't let the girl go.

“That’s it, Five,” she soothed as he started to look back at her in awe, rather than filled with venomous hostility. 

She smiled with relief as Five hand started to lovingly stroke the inside of her thigh.

“You are so gorgeous unreal and I just... I have been wanting to do that for a very long time,” he quietly admitted while forming the most boyishly charming grin that it made the girl trapping him in her arms look at a loss for a moment.

“You’ve been wanting to finger me...for a very long time? But we just met?” she teased, followed by a laugh, that made the dimple in Five’s cheek grow even deeper.

“I wanted to know what it felt like to kiss someone who could kiss me back,” he coolly corrected.

“So, I was wrong," she dangled as she smoothed out the length of his shiny tie, her eyes purposefully getting wider the second her hand fleetingly passed over Five's cock again. "You weren’t thinking about getting your hands up my skirt so we could have a moment of shared public debauchery?”

Five lifted his hand to his mouth and nonchalantly tasted his fingers. “Mmm…” he hummed as he tilted his head to the side and his other hand naughtily grazed over the wet fabric between her legs. “I wanted to do that too,” he admitted with an air of playful confidence coming back to him.

Totally taken by the angel's spell again and feeling like he didn't have a care in the world, Five subtly rolled his hard length against her leg to the beat of the music.

“I think there’s more you want to do,” she said, giggling at him.

“What is your name?” Five suddenly asked, his hopeful eyes filled with emotion much deeper than his lust.

“It won’t matter after this,” she whispered just before her lips were on his.

Before he could even consider why it wouldn't matter, like before, her kiss tasted like a fruity paradise and Five wanted to drown in it. It was all teeth and tongue and madness, but then all at once, a metallic taste filled his mouth. He tried to pull back, but he couldn’t. The unpleasant flavor grew stronger, and the girl kissed him harder, her teeth locking down on his bottom lip as he moaned out of the sheer intensity of blinding pleasure hitting him and in pure terror and for what he didn’t even know any more.

Her kiss was consuming him, it was too much, but then the bloody iron like flavor abated and Five was suddenly swallowing something much colder and almost bittersweet tasting.

It tasted like nothing he'd ever known but he hungrily tried to get more. He kissed the girl back even harder than he already was. Five’s heart hammered in his chest and his body sizzled with heat so strong that he thought he might spontaneously combust.

Then it stopped.

He was standing there at the bar; the music so loud it was deafening. The girl was holding both his hands in hers as a curious smile graced her stained lips.

Five blinked a few times.

What the hell was going on?

He felt…

Actually, he wasn’t actually sure what he was feeling, other than he felt better than he ever had, and all he wanted was to kiss her like that again.

~~~~~~

A few moments later, Five had stripped off his suit jacket and was tossing it on a purple lounge couch in a private room that the girl was able to acquire with a mere nod of her head towards the bartender.

After scanning the small room, he turned to the girl, his eyes running up and down as she approached him.

Coming at him hard, her hands landed on Five’s chest, pushing him backwards until he was cornered with the back of his legs against the couch.

“What are you waiting for?" she taunted. "I thought you wanted to fuck me through a wall, and I am pretty sure that I see one right here that should do the trick." She slowly moved her gaze to the busy looking wallpaper to their right as if he didn't know what wall she was talking about.

With a devious smile spreading, Five goaded the girl right back. “Angel, before the night is over, I will be killing that tight little pussy of yours by nailing it through a wall or just railing the fuck out of it any damn place I see fit.” Five shamelessly palmed the crotch of his pants as he added, “But first, this devil wants to use his demon dick to have a different kind of fun with you.”

The girl looked honestly shocked for the first time by something Five had said to her and that made him very happy.

He quickly undid the metal fastening of his belt, and then undid his pants.

She was speechless.

As she already had felt, Five was not small, but now his tight black boxer briefs were leaving very little to imagination. He looked utterly adorable standing there with his pants down and his slim fit dress shirt untucked but doing nothing to cover how much he wanted her.

With a steady hand pressing down on the girl’s shoulder, Five encouraged the girl to sink to her knees.

He confidently stood above her, the only tell that he wasn’t as sure of himself as he looked was the slight tremble of anticipation running through his body as he took her halo, throwing it back behind her.

Sliding a hand down, Five pushed his underwear down, freeing his stiff cock.

The girl let out a little whimper.

Feeling pretty damn proud, Five grabbed a wad of her hair, then sharply pulled her head, pushing the girl closer to his body.

“My turn, angel,” he tauntingly sang with misleadingly boyish play in his voice.

She licked her lips then opened her mouth around him, her tongue leisurely tracing up the veins covering his engorged shaft.

After only one pass, the girl stopped to gauge Five’s reaction. 

The moment he locked eyes with the girl, she wrapped her lips around him again and Five was quick to push her down without warning, forcing her to gag around him as she struggled and gasped for air. 

Smirking, Five let her sit that way, letting her adjust as he let out an unavoidable low groan over that sinful act of cruelty. His fingers played with the girl’s silky hair, petting her even if it was a degrading form of encouragement. Doing as he pleased, Five refused to adjust the pressure he was putting on the back of her throat, but for some reason, it felt okay to being doing this, just like she said it would.

With a small nod of approval from him for her quick submission, Five reached down, requesting the girl give him her hands. She did, then he proceeded to place them palm down on his thighs. Taking her hair again, Five allowed the girl to move freely, bobbing her head up and down, mostly working his tip with her tongue.

Her eyes fluttered and her nails gently dug into Five’s slouched pants as he started to rock her head back and forth over him again, making his dick disappear in her wet mouth. Holding her the way he was, with her head titled back, her throat open and lined up perfectly, it allowed Five deep penetration and a view he'd only ever seen in porn and the sight and the feel of it was making his already heavy cock feel like it might truly choke her if he got anymore turned on.

“If it’s too much let me know,” he said, clearly indicating that she should push back if he was too rough or if he made her take him too deep.

He wasn't expecting it, but she immediately pushed back, then started circling her tongue around his tip as she moaned. Since this was not what he wanted, Five's mind whirled with punishments he could deliver but his stomach filled with butterflies the more he listened to her. As she teased the underside of his shaft, his breathing grew heavy, and he couldn’t help but grind against her marvelous tongue.

Reaching up, the girl’s hand dragged down over Five’s abdomen. She was taking her time with him, and it was evident she was enjoying it and the feeling of each ridge between his muscles as he held his body tight, trying not to sway. Five had to admit, he was enjoying it too, but then she wrapped her hand around him, covering the base of his shaft but not moving. His hands clenched; his knuckles white as he let out a rough sounding sigh of exasperation.

Letting his eyes settle on her, Five was just about to start thrusting down her throat again when the girl’s cold hand began to move, and her head shallowly bobbed over his cockhead as she softly sucked.

Five’s body shuddered and she responded by moving her hand up his length, jerking him a few times before pressing her thumb gently but firmly against the underside of his tip where her mouth was just popping on and off.

Sudden waves of pleasure hit Five, followed by shaky breaths as his fingers tightened their grip on her. Taking complete control of her movements again, he quickly forced her head down, pushing her lips sliding all the way to his pubic bone and only pulling her head up again so he could fuck into her throat all over again.

It’s not like he hadn’t warned her or given her an out. That much was clear in Five’s fuzzy mind. There was no denying he wasn't getting a sick sort of pleasure from her tears and her wet gags and each and every spasm of her throat, and there was no way he wasn’t enjoying the sound of the girl’s desperate whines and moans.

She wasn’t tapping out, but her fingers were digging into his thighs almost painfully as her eyes rolling back so far Five was sure her brain must be turning off because he'd skewered it.

Loving every second of dominating her and roughly fucking her face so hard he was making it impossible for her to think, Five paid her back by not holding in his deep moans and low grunts of euphoria, but all too quickly he had to stop, or it would be over, and he didn't want that at all.

As his hips slowed and pulled away, the girl’s swollen lips gently popped off him. 

Her brows furrowed upwards as she watched Five with a needy expression. Feeling like he could get away with it, he tapped her chin with the tip of his cock, spreading the drips of drool that the girl couldn’t help but have on her after taking him that long and hard. 

Five smiled down at the girl, a cruel sort of look spreading across his face as he watched the little angel wordlessly begging. He tightened his grip on the back of her head.

“God, you are fucking beautiful,” he breathed, then suddenly yanked her hair back, forcing her to crane her neck back. “I can’t wait to paint that pretty fucking angel face of yours.”

After a few more taps to the girl's waiting tongue, Five swiftly brought her down on him again, immediately causing her to gag. The sound of her body fighting him and the feel of her moans buzzing against him as she twitched and repeatedly tried to swallow, all had Five feeling so damn close to the edge again, but he couldn’t stop now even if he wanted to.

Soon, his rhythm became even more aggressive as he took her head in both hands, sadistically slamming his cock into her mouth while griding the back of her throat before pulling off only to repeat the process.

“You really wanted my dick, didn’t you?” Five breathlessly sputtered as he threw his head back and his eyes fell shut.

Inevitably his brutal pattern became more erratic. Eventually, Five pulled back, fully pulling out. His hand that was tangled in the strands of the girl’s hair moved to the girl’s pouty lips instead.

Jerking her chin up he urgently asked, “You think you can swallow all of it?”

She eagerly nodded.

With an air of desperation coming out of him, Five stroked himself needily, bringing himself closer and closer as the girl watched in anticipation, her mouth open and tongue out.

With a few sharp inhales, Five’s body began to shudder, and his legs began to feel like they could give out on him. His heel squeaked on the floor as he drove forward, intent on delivering. 

A long string of rough groans fell from Five's gapped lips as the girl flinched and shut her eyes in response to the pearls of white falling over her awaiting tongue.

Having had plenty of pent-up sexual tension from just the last few hours, not to mention a lifetime of being deprived of anything to this level of sexual eroticism, Five’s load repeatedly spurt out of him in heavy ropes.

The girl swallowed and swallowed, trying to keep up but even though she was, Five deliberately pulled back, letting the last of his cum land across the girl’s flushed cheeks and drip down between the mounds of her milky white breasts.

"Oh fuck," he gasped. His hand remained clasped around his shaft. His angry grip kept moving but slowly as it passed over his hot length and he road that the last incredible waves of his release.

Even though Five was on another planet as the heavy sound of his panting started to abate, he noticed that the girl was suddenly sitting there still as a statue. She was totally quiet, and her hands were in her lap as if waiting for further instruction or perhaps it was because she was too scared to move. The fact that Five couldn’t tell was quickly overshadowing his feeling of frenzied contentment.

His chest was still moving up and down faster than normal as he looked in shock down at the mess that he’d made of her. Appalled at what he'd done, he quickly pulled up his clothes and swiftly tucked his softening dick back in his tight black underwear.

Starting to panic, he stopped at zipping himself up, worriedly staring at her again with his belt still dangling open and his mind falling apart. 

Five threw his hand back over his hair, brushing the dark strands out of eyes as he looked around the small room, trying to find something to clean the girl up with. He saw a convenient box of tissues, sitting on a small side table so he lunged for them, then gently as possible, he wiped his seed from the girl’s face. 

As Five was about to draw another disposable wipe across the tops of her glistening breasts, he stopped short, realizing that maybe doing that wasn’t a great idea. 

He tossed the soiled tissue on the floor, rubbing his shaking hand over his face.

As his fingers brushed over his eye, Five noticed it didn’t hurt at all. It felt totally normal, which made sense because he could also tell that it wasn’t swollen at all anymore.

All of a sudden, it dawned on him that it wasn’t swollen when they came into the private room. His lip felt normal too and being extremely horny couldn't be the only reason he'd ignored it.

Eyes still closed; the girl let out a small sound that Five wasn't sure how to interpret. Her hand floated up, a finger hesitantly poking at her sticky flesh where her white top dipped the lowest.

“I am sorry,” Five sputtered. “I don’t know what came over me. That was so-"

So ashamed of how he’d just treated her and confused about his face and that just let himself do that, Five couldn’t begin to formulate what he was thinking.

“I am going insane,” he breathed, his eyes falling away from the girl as he started to step back, but then her other hand found his, her cool fingers trapping him even more than the couch behind him.

She started to smile. Still her eyes were closed, and it was making her look so blissfully happy it only further confused Five. She was the hottest girl he'd ever seen but she was way too young for him, and from the time he'd seen her on the dance floor, he never intended to do more than have a friendly drink with her. But clearly something changed his way of thinking, but what that was, he couldn't remember and before he could get too upset about that and what he'd just done, the girl finally started to talk.

“You don’t need to apologize," she said, rubbing at her closed eye lids. "I loved every second of that, and I know that nobody has ever been lucky enough to say this to you, and you are more than worthy of the compliment, so here it is. Five Hargreeves, you have a very nice cock, and you taste amazing."

As much as it seemed she meant it, it also seemed she couldn't say such a dirty and brazen thing with out laughing about it and that made Five feel a lightness that made no senses with the rest of his heavy emotions.

This was not normal. Something wasn't right but he wanted so badly to pretend it was.

As nice as she was being about everything, Five couldn’t help but feel like a total asshole despite all his other terrify reservations, so playing along, he ineloquently countered that with the only thing he could come up with. “I do what I can do with what I’ve got, and unfortunately, I have nothing to compare that unforgettable experience to, but I can confidently say that was the most amazing blow job I have ever received, so thank you.”

“Your very welcome. I do what I can with what I’ve got,” she repeated, copying his words and tone so well that Five couldn’t help but chuckle a little.

Feeling some better, though he didn't understand why the sudden switch, his hand came down on her head again and he started to lace his fingers through her tousled hair, trying to fix it. He wanted to help her up and was reaching down to do it but that all stopped when her eyes started opening.

Five’s eyes blew wide as he stared at the unnatural light emanating back at him where before had only been the paleness of her bottomless eyes. Suddenly, he remembered begging the girl to kiss him while they were out in the bar. 

He remembered the taste of blood.

Her smile grew wider, exposing her fangs.

In an instant, Five swooped low, wrenching her head back at the same time he pulled out the knife that had been hidden in the strap attached to his ankle.

Eyes ablaze; he brought the shining blade to the girl's neck.

Link to chapters 3 and 4

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